Frank Gutch Jr: Sweet Relief III: Cover Songs I Can Get Behind, Even In The Midst of This Covers/Tribute Glut… And If You Want Covers, I Have Some Right Here In the Hall Closet (Crash! Bang! Boom!) Plus Notes…..

If you understood the reference to the hall closet, you are a fossil like myself and ready for the wood heap.  Better start taking Geritol again (the Stone Age’s answer to Centrum).

It is a strange world in which I find myself these days and not one I am particularly fond of, especially since supposed music lovers (and the media) have jumped on this covers/tribute thing like it is more than a fad (it isn’t, at least the way in which the music is being approached).  I laugh— no, I guffaw— at the idea of bands bowing at the feet of other bands, thinking that signs of obeisance gives them any kind of credibility in the real world of music and musicians.

At the same time, I seem to be in the minority, the vast majority thrilled with oddball bands playing entire albums I stopped listening to years ago.  Bands like Arrival (ABBA), About Average (Average White Band), Stairway Denied (Led Zeppelin) and Smells Like Grunge (Nirvana).  They are everywhere these days and it freaks me out to see just how fast the whole tribute thing has grown.  A friend wrote just the other day that the music industry’s problems start with the fans and that’s probably just about right.  When people stop paying money for original music but are willing to pay $20 to hear hashed-down versions of songs made famous by much better musicians, you might think the industry deserves what it gets.  It is, though, the music fans who get what they deserve.  And it ain’t pretty.

What is pretty (as well as being pretty cool) is the new due-on-September-3^rd Sweet Relief III album.  I’ve been listening to it quite a bit (the one real perk left to writers is getting the music first) and must confess that if covers were done as tastefully as the artists on this album (I will go through them one at a time), I would have no problem them.  Granted, when a band or artist plays or records a song which is totally wrong for them or if they do it so poorly it is an embarrassment, it is a problem for us all.  That didn’t happen here.  Sheldon Gomberg, the man who put it all together, made damn sure it didn’t.

Then again, it’s not like anyone was going to argue with him over anything.  It has been his baby, his idea, from the very beginning.  He organized it (with a little help from his friends), he recorded it, he did everything he had to do to get it off the ground.  Sheldon is one of the truly good guys.  In a world of takers, he finds a way of giving back.  So have all of the musicians (and there are many) who gave up money and time and energy to make sure it happened.  This is a good cause, people!  Funds to help people attached to the music industry in one form or another when they need it.

Once again, here is the artist and title list, just so you know who is playing what on the album.  It shouldn’t really make a difference, but it might.  Check this out:

Ron Sexsmith/Pennies From Heaven

Shelby Lynne/Brother, Where Are You?

Sam Phillips/Big Spender

kd lang/How Did You Find Me Here

Ben Harper/Crazy Love

Genevieve Toupin/Heart of Gold

Joseph Arthur/If I Needed You

Rickie Lee Jones/Surfer Girl

Tina Schlieske/With a Little Help From My Friends

Victoria Williams/A Change Is Gonna Come

She & Him/King of the Road

Eleni Mandell/I’ll Be Home

Jackson Browne/Don’t Let Us Get Sick

With album art by artist Peter Max, too.

That’s one hell of a lineup.  And the money goes to help Sweet Relief help others.

Now, I’ve been raging against this massive shift toward covers in today’s music marketplace.  It’s true that I find it disturbing, but I’m not against covers, per se.  I just think it’s ridiculous when artists follow trends.  Music should come from the soul.  Here are some cover versions I have found worthy over the years…..

You Want Covers?  I’ll Give You Covers!

I hate covers most of the time but when one comes along that is either a whole different take on a song or done very tastefully, I have no problem.  Hell, back in the fifties and sixties, the business was built on covers, labels from various regions releasing their own versions of hits before the original could break through.  Swear to God there were times that a song had four or five different artists covering four or five different areas and sometimes battling it out in the same markets!

What is happening lately is a different kettle of fish, though.  Covering songs because you love them is one thing.  What I see today is a lot of covering songs because it’s cool (or supposedly so).  I probably wouldn’t even notice it if it weren’t being done en masse, but there are huge numbers of artists and bands I respect doing it that I have had to take a stand.  I’m more than a little perturbed by bands trumpeting their latest cover version escapades.  I want originals!  Still, there are a few which have broken through over the years that are worth mentioning/hearing.  Here is a list from my own collection just to prove that I am not a total asshole, though I have to admit to bursts of discontent.  No countdown and no chart.  Alphabetically, because it’s easier.  Ready, go!

Alan Bown/All Along the Watchtower—–  Somewhere between the creation of All Along the Watchtower (Bob Dylan‘s, that is) and Jimi Hendrix‘s discovery of it, there was Alan Bown.  They put out an album in 1967 in the UK titled Outward Bown (just Alan Bown in the States) and had a bit of success but nothing to write home about.  Whereas their later albums produced music of substantial quality, this album was more pop/rock-oriented.  Bown’s version, thanks to the arrangement and the unique voice of singer Jess Roden, supposedly caught Hendrix’s ear, giving him impetus to record and place it on Electric Ladyland.  Whether that is true or not doesn’t matter.  All that matters is the music and, truthfully, thanks to radio overplaying both Dylan and Hendrix’s takes, this is my favorite.  Listen here.

The Amazing Rhythm Aces/Love and Happiness—  I remember The Amazing Rhythm Aces from my time in Seattle in the late seventies.  They had had a fairly big hit with Third Rate Romance in their early days and had a decent following, but ABC Records, their label, had trouble doing anything with subsequent releases.  The band switched labels a couple of times before putting out a handful of records on their own label and disbanding.  Word has it that they reformed not long ago and are still going.  Funny thing.  I remember there being serious problems with management which resulted in major difficulties, but I can find no references on the Net.  Maybe I had a stroke.  One thing the Aces did have was the unique and soulful voice of Russell Smith, which carries this version of Al Green‘s smash hit, Love and Happiness.  When you do a straight cover using Green’s arrangement (with light twists), it had better be at least this good.  And it is.  This good, that is.  Listen here.

Mark Ashton/Satisfaction—  Yup.  That Satisfaction.  Seriously, you’re thinking, why mess with a classic, let alone a Stones classic, but you have to hear this to understand (and me without a link so you can do just that).  Ashton started out with Rare Bird before starting his own band with guitarist Steve Bolton known as Headstone.  Headstone released two albums, the first titled Bad Habits, the second self-titled.  A year later Ashton went into the studio with a string of excellent session men and came out with an album, Mark Ashton.  The thing that always impressed me about Headstone was their style.  They were more adventurous than most other bands of the time and fell into short jams here and there.  Ashton toned it down a bit on the solo album but put a strange twist on Satisfaction.  He slowed it down and gave it a peculiar synthesized sound with a weird bass line (which worked, oddly enough).  If I have to listen to any other version of the song besides The Stones’, this is the one I choose.

Brian Auger’s Oblivion Express/Inner City Blues—  I cannot even begin to describe the importance of Marvin Gaye‘s What’s Going On period.   I was in the Army awaiting release and when the album hit the stores, you heard it from virtually every open window at Fort Lewis.  If it did nothing else, it bridged the gap between Whites and Blacks, a gap which some thought might damage if not destroy the military structure.  More than once during the few short weeks I had left, I saw members of both races grooving to Gaye’s music at the enlisted men’s club.  When Auger got hold of Inner City Blues, the last song on the What’s Going On album, he jazzed it up a mite with his signature organ and let a White boy take the vocals.  The result was quite nice, truth be told.  One of my favorite Auger arrangements.  Listen here.

Mike Berry/Don’t Be Cruel—  Brit Mike Berry was going to be the second coming of rock & roll, or so they told us for a short while.  Back in ’75 he was taking England apart brick by brick with shows that included a string of updated fifties music, most of it Buddy Holly recreations.  Not all Buddy, though, as is evidenced by this slowed down (see Ashton above) version of the Elvis hit penned by Otis Blackwell, Don’t Be Cruel.  They put a lot of reverb on the voice and gave it a David Essex slant, a la Rock On (still one of the best rock songs of its time, according to my ears).  I have no idea why this wasn’t a hit outside of the fact that radio was already in 1975 becoming a watered-down cesspool of music.  Crap!  I just checked and there is evidently no version of the song on any but the digital distributors like Pandora.  I refuse to support those asshats.  If you want to hear it, go ahead, but I’m not sending you there no matter how cool the song is.

Capability Brown/Liar—  I love Argent and I love Liar but I have to give the nod to the UK’s Capability Brown when it comes to the song.  For one thing, CB stacks six voices on the chorus and the sound is ocean deep.  For another, the long version (as recorded for the album) is 7:15 worth of a rockin’ good time.  Want chorus?  Want jams?  This version of what is a great song becomes even better when the magic starts to happen.  From CB’s From Scratch album.  Listen here.

Deep Purple/Hush—  I love the way people take history into their own hands.  One video version of Hush posted on Youtube intimates that it was written by Joe South for Deep Purple.  I had always heard that it was written for (or at least first recorded by) Billy Joe Royal.  Who knows?  In the end it doesn’t really metter because DP took that song into another dimension and completely blew my socks off with their rockin’ version which surfaced as a single from their first album, Shades of Deep Purple.  Purple would, of course, go way beyond that with songs like Smoke On the Water and other songs of renown, but Hush remains my favorite DP song to this day.  What?  You didn’t know it was a cover?  I guess it depends on how you look at it.  A string of people recorded it within a very short time.  Just turns out that DP won the sweepstakes.  Listen here.

Fotheringay/The Way I Feel—  Remember Gordon Lightfoot?  You should.  He was one of the most prolific singer/songwriters to come out of the modern folk era (meaning Hullabaloo time and thereabouts).  He had a string of “hits” that weren’t radio hits when he busted out and one of those was The Way I Feel.  Perhaps you don’t know Fotheringay, either.  They were a short-lived band which came together in 1970, a conglomeration of Sandy Denny and members of Eclection and Poet and the One Man Band.  They produced one exceptional studio album, self-titled, which should have been Denny’s home for years, but the pressure was on to go solo, so go solo she did.  Among the originals on the album are two covers— one of Lightfoot’s The Way I Feel and one of Bob Dylan‘s (Too Much of Nothing).  Exceptional album.  Great covers.  Here is The Way I Feel.  You’re welcome.

Grand Funk/Inside Looking Out—  I know!  There was a time if you’d told me I would be a Grand Funk fan I would have punched you out.  In  reality, I have been a GF fan since the beginning.  One reason is this cover of The Animals‘ Inside Looking Out, a blistering and raw take on an outstanding song.  Back in those days, you either loved or hated GF.  Most of my friends loved them.  Listen here.  I also dug Chicago Transit Authority‘s version of I’m a Man, but if you tell anyone, I’m denying it.  Hear that here.

Mike Harrison/Smokestack Lightning—  Buddy of mine said that calling a blues tune a “cover” is deceptive because everyone covers the blues.  I told him to get a life.  I only let a few blues tracks in and they are tracks I consider worth following.  Tracks like Born Under a Bad Sign and I’m So Glad and Smokestack Lightning.  You probably think the only reasons I consider them exceptional is because they were recorded by White guys and you would more than likely be at least partially correct.  I first heard Smokestack on the Five Live Yardbirds album and fell in love with it immediately.  When Mike Harrison, lead voice for one of my favorites, Spooky Tooth, titled his solo album after it, I jumped in with both feet.  Muscle Shoals is all over this record (as well as guitar by fellow Tooth Luther Grosvenor) and the musicianship is over the top.  Harrison, with semi-gravel voice, feeds off of the killer band, too.  Every time I hear this, I get pumped.  Listen here.

Hydra/Goin’ Down—  You can tell Skynyrd to kiss my ass.  There ain’t no better example of Southern Rock than Don Nix‘s Goin’ Down and there ain’t no better version than Hydra‘s.  Turn this sucker up.  It will burn the rebel flags right off your walls.  Here you go.

James Gang/Bolero—  If you have to cover someone, why not cover a classic?  No.  A real classic, as in music of a classical composer.  That’s what Joe Walsh did on James Gang‘s Rides Again album.  Of course, he found out later that Ravel’s estate wasn’t happy about it so they pulled the albums off the market to have the Bolero track deleted (only they didn’t delete back then— they just repressed without that track).  Originally, it was interwoven with two other tracks— Closet Queen and Cast Your Fate To the Wind)— into a three-parter titled The Bomber.  Good idea and well executed.  Click here.  Okay.  I hear you purists out there pounding keys pointing toward Jeff Beck.  Fair enough.  You can hear Beck’s Bolero here.

The Leaves/He Was a Friend of Mine—  I first heard this song on The Byrds‘ Turn! Turn! Turn! album which received a ton of airplay at my house— to the point that I actually thought that it was a hit!  (I mean, how could a song this good not be a hit was my reasoning).  To be fair, it did get substantial airplay on one of the local radio stations in Oregon, too.  How surprised was I when The Leaves, who I thought was more of a Knickerbockers-style garage band, recorded it on their debut album in 1966?  Pretty damn.  Virtually the same arrangement as The Byrds, but I like it because it isn’t quite as produced.  Sometimes, there is such a thing as over-production.  Hear it here.

Lone Star/She Said She Said—  Boy, do I remember the hype around the Lone Star album!  The band was evidently a favorite of Roy Thomas Baker, who was the recording genius (supposedly) behind the early Queen albums as well as albums by Hawkwind, Free, Man and BeBop Deluxe, among others.    When he grabbed hold of Lone Star, the record company (Columbia) said, it was sure to be a hit.  After hearing the bands eight-minute-plus version of a Beatles track I dearly loved (the aforementioned  She Said She Said), I was convinced.  In typical I-can-pick-’em style, it flopped miserably.  I still think it should have made it.  The band took the song into realms it was not really supposed to inhabit, having a bit more of a hard rock edge.  That Kenny Driscoll could sing, too.  Click here.

Love Sculpture/Sabre Dance—  Until I heard Love Sculpture‘s Forms and Feelings album, I thought Sabre Dance was circus music.  Practically every Sunday night when The Ed Sullivan Show came on, there would be some guys juggling or trying to spin plates on the ends of tall sticks (of which there would be many) and the music would be cranking out dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dutilut-dut-dut-dudilut-dut-dut-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daaah-(daaah)-daah-(daah) in fever pitch as the performers attempted to perform their feats.  It was quite a few years later that I heard the tune performed by a rock band featuring, of all instruments, guitar.  It was Dave Edmunds and his band Love Sculpture and I was mesmerized.  I mean, that was some guitar, you know?  Khatchiturian was an actual composer!  Go figure!  Circus music?  Not hardly.  You want to hear some blistering guitar dancing around a classical theme, this is the one.  Click here.  And, yeah, I consider stuff like this a cover song.

Harvey Mandel/Wade In the Water—  Ramsey Lewis had a huge hit with Wade In the Water back in ’66, but it wasn’t until I heard Harvey Mandel‘s version that I was enthralled with the song.  Mandel recorded it for his breakout Cristo Redentor album in 1968 and I quickly became enamored with the channeling of his guitar.  It would not be too long after this that he would come through Eugene with Pure Food and Drug Act and floor the handful of us who showed with the only stereo guitar performance any of us, to my knowledge, would ever see or hear.  Gibson, I believe, had built a stereo guitar for him and he tried it out on that tour— or that’s how I heard it.  I do remember notes coming from opposite sides of the stage as he played and was fascinated by the concept.  I don’t think they ever perfected it.  I never heard tell of it again.  Anyway, Mandel’s guitar carried Wade In the Water very well, indeed.  While the album was not a smash hit, it sold more than you would think.  Listen here.

Matthews Southern Comfort/Woodstock—  Huh.  I just checked the Billboard Book to see how high Woodstock climbed the charts and it said #23.  That must mean that a lot of the songs in the Top Ten weren’t getting very much airplay in the Willamette Valley because I heard Matthews Southern Comfort every hour, on the hour.  Or something like it.  I remember buying the album and bringing it home only to find out that Joni Mitchell had written the song, which was neither here nor there as far as I was concerned.  There was a groundswell of Mitchell support among my friends, Ladies of the Canyon giving her airplay in an otherwise stagnant radio market for folk.  A few badmouthed Matthews’ version, calling it “commercial”, but I loved the sound.  I still do.  It’s sugar to my ears.

Ian Matthews/Seven Bridges Road—  Eagles, schmeagles.  Steve Young wrote a fantastic song and Ian Matthews plain knew what to do with it.  So did the Eagles.  They stole it, arrangement and all and bathed in the glory which should have been Matthews’.  To my knowledge, they have never acknowledged Matthews’ part in their success with the song.  It makes me angry.  They should have at least given Matthews verbal credit.  Sometimes this world and the people in it aren’t worth a shit.  Be forewarned.  If you ever even think of mentioning Seven Bridges Road as an Eagles creation, I’ll knock your block off.  On the other side of the coin, what an arrangement of a wonderful song!  Click here.

Morning/Never Been To Spain—  It was a hit for Three Dog Night.  It was covered by many artists.  But Hoyt Axton‘s Never Been To Spain never sounded as good as it did on Morning‘s Struck Like Silver album.  It is a slowed down, flowing arrangement with lots of piano and harmonies and a pedal steel break that you might not have expected back then (early seventies).  At least, from a smooth sounding group like Morning.  The album went nowhere, as did many of Fantasy Records artists, but it gained a following among those who love the smoother side of rock.  No link to the music, unfortunately, but there should be tracks on the digital streaming sites, if you don’t mind cheating artists and putting money into the pockets of so-called entrepreneurs.  Oh, if you’ve a mind to read some fascinating history behind the band, click here.  The guy who wrote this did a bang-up job.

Michael Nesmith/Bonaparte’s Retreat—  This is a childhood favorite.  Our family only had a handful of records when I was growing up and one of them had a version of this song on it.  I cannot remember who the artist was, strangely enough.  I played it until it was worn through to the other side.  When I bought Michael Nesmith‘s Tantamount To Treason album in the early seventies, I was pleasantly surprised to find the song on the album.  Done beautifully, too.  Click here.

Prelude/After the Gold Rush—  I was working in Los Angeles when I first heard this version of Neil Young‘s After the Gold Rush.  Truth be told, I was a bit tired of Neil’s whiny voice and Prelude‘s harmonies were such a breath of fresh air.  When a cappella is this good, it is magic.  L.A. went nuts.  Weird thing, though.  Island Records had the 45 on the market and getting massive airplay when they realized the album would not be ready for a few weeks.  So while radio blanketed the airwaves with the song, the only sales were of the single.  By the time the album was released, the song was moving down the charts.  Opportunity missed.  Same thing, by the way, happened with Gerry Rafferty‘s Baker Street.  No album, blanket airplay.  The label, United Artists, were just switching distributors when the single hit.  They tried to keep airplay going buy flooding the market with singles, but it didn’t work.  Many of the sales were lost, the label fiddling while Rome burned.  The things you learn here, eh? Click here.

Willis Alan Ramsey/Muskrat Candlelight—  This is a cover in reverse, actually.  Willis Alan Ramsey released his one lonely album (his fans have been awaiting the second for decades) in 1974, but it fell on deaf ears, as good as it was (and it was, you know?).  A couple of years later, along comes Captain & Tennille with a changed title (Muskrat Love) and a weaker version and it vaulted right to #1.  Go figure.  Ramsey’s self-titled album was soon thereafter taken out of MCA’s catalog for some ungodly reason and Ramsey retired to the Oklahoma/Texas area which was his home to lick his wounds.  There is a bit of backwoods in Ramsey’s voice when he sings the muskrats’ lament.  It was perfect for the song.  Electric piano and vibes courtesy of Leon Russell, ladies and gentlemen.  It is worth mentioning.  Click here.

Paul Revere & The Raiders/Melody For an Unknown Girl—  Ah, the foibles of the record industry!  This track was written by Paul Revere and Mark Lindsay and first appeared on the Raiders’ Midnight Ride album, but there is another story to it.  Evidently Lindsay, Keith Allison and Steve Alaimo (under the name The Unknowns) recorded a version with lyrics (the Raiders’ version only had narration) which they agreed to release on Parrot Records.  When Columbia, Lindsay’s label, found out, they threatened to sue because of contractual issues and the 45 was pulled from the market.  One of those would qualify as a cover, wouldn’t it?  Click here for the Raiders’ version.  To hear The Unknowns‘ version, click here.

Johnny Rivers/Rock Me On the Water—  This is another case of backward covers.  I first heard Rocvk Me On the Water on Rivers’ Homegrown album in 1971.  It wasn’t until the next year that Browne released it himself on the Saturate Before Using album and took that first step on the road to stardom.  Click here for Rivers.  Click here for Browne.  Kinda like voting, isn’t it?

The Rockets/Oh Well—  Fleetwood Mac‘s Then Play On album stands above most of the albums in my collection and Oh Well is one of my all-time favorite tracks, but I never could get into the acoustic section at the end.  The Rockets took care of that with a groovin’ jam in the middle and a cold ending.  I love F Mac.  I dig The Rockets.  Click here.

Isaac Scott/Help—  I never thought I would hear a Beatles song played as a blues tune, but Seattle’s Isaac Scott took care of that.  He infuses it with a slight fifties/early sixties feel and I have to tell you, every time I hear it I have to remind myself that it is a Lennon/McCartney composition.  I used to see Isaac play at The Rainbow Tavern once in awhile in the early eighties.  Toward the end of that decade, I ran into him and asked where he had been.  He said he couldn’t play much anymore because he had a severe case of tendonitis in his wrists.  It was a shame.  While others were cranking up the volume or hitting the reverb and echo, Isaac played straight out of his little amp, his volume knob and fingers doing all the work.  He was one hell of a guy.  Click here.

The Talbot Brothers/Easy To Slip—  Know what?  I only own one Little Feat album, their first, but I know most of their songs by heart.  There are a lot of good ones, but a personal favorite has always been Easy To Slip.  When John & Terry Talbot, one-time core members of Mason Proffit, placed that band on hiatus, they formed a “band” they called The Talbot Brothers and took a short ride on the Little Feat express.  It was a short but very pleasurable ride.  Click here.

The Youngbloods/Reason To Believe—  Sometimes all you have to do to spruce a song up is to add a voice or two.  That’s what The Youngbloods did when they took on the Tim Hardin classic, Reason To Believe.  A little harmony from Banana and Jerry Corbitt gives Hardin’s song new wings.  Again, a comparison, just for the hell of it.  Here is Hardin’s original.  Now, The Youngbloods’.

Zephyr/High Flyin’ Bird—  The things you learn.  When I picked up Zephyr’s Sunset Ride album when it was released back in ’72, I was completely sucked in, especially with a little jazzy number titled High Flyin’ Bird.  I was just digging through the search engine and it turns out that not only was it recorded by many other artists, it was recorded by two of which/whom I was very familiar— Jefferson Airplane and Richie Havens.  When I checked them out, I realized why I thought I’d never heard them.  They didn’t sound remotely like the beautiful and flowing version Zephyr put together.  It’s interesting.  Check it out.  Richie Havens’ version.  Jefferson Airplane’s version.  And my personal favorite, Zephyr’s version.  And you wondered why we need experts in the arts.

Notes…..  Word is out that Bongo Boy will be releasing a new album by The Grip Weeds‘ Kristen Pinnell.  No surprise, really, seeing’s how BB’s Gar Francis has been doing a good amount of recording at the GW’s House of Vibes recording studio and Kurt Reil has been a sideman and engineer on certain BB recordings.  Pinnell outside of the confines of the GWs will be interesting at the very least*****  I’ve mentioned Morning Ritual and their epic album, The Clear Blue Pearl.  The group just finished filming a video for the album.  Here is a beautiful/spacy look behind the scenes.  The album is very impressive, bringing a number of influences together to tell a futuristic/ancient tale of the struggle for survival, this time dealing with water.  This isn’t a trailer as much as a teaser.  You should check these guys out!

It’s a video kind of week, it seems.  Dirtmusic/Glitterbeat‘s Chris Eckman just posted this, a new video from Mali’s Tamikrest.  Their new album is going to hit the streets running, my friends.

Sometimes you’re wrong even when you’re right and I’m experiencing such a thin g right now.  Fow weeks, PR maven Joelle May (Modmay Promotions) has been on me to check out Petunia & The Vipers, but I have been, shall we say, resistant.  I listened to the music, but it didn’t click.  Until this morning.  Thanks to this next video, actually.  I grew up on country boogie and ragtime and wonder how I could not have gotten this song the first listen.  Shades of Pee Wee King‘s band during their boogie-woogie days.  Pretty cool.  And, yes, I have changed my mind about ol’ Petunia.

=FGJ=

Frank’s column appears every Tuesday

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

“Frank Gutch Jr. looks like Cary Grant, writes like Hemingway and smells like Pepe Le Pew. He has been thrown out of more hotels than Keith Moon, is only slightly less pompous than Garth Brooks and at one time got laid at least once a year (one year in a row). He has written for various publications, all of which have threatened to sue if mentioned in any of his columns, and takes pride in the fact that he has never been quoted. Read at your own peril.”