vernon_19972WARNING: This blog contains political ranting…and sexual panting. I expect many will be offended by the sex part…but not by the politics.

By the time you read this the Stukas should be flying over Disneyland dropping bombs on Damascus’ strategic military targets in response to the 1300+ chemically assassinated civilians two weeks ago. Obama wants to spank Syrian president Assad for the killings despite having unanimous universal Politics_sexrejection of the plan from every nation on the planet except our own asshole Prime Minister -Harpo, The Marxist Brother.

StukasIn its ongoing quest to be at war against someone, somewhere in the world continuously for over 150 years (hell, in the 1860s they even fought with themselves just to stay in practice), America has a new sheriff in charge and he’s determined to prove unequivocally that he too lacks an exit strategy in any and all conflicts just like the last 20 presidents!

Slim PickensHow many times will the failed ‘Defender of the World’ excuse play out before the U.N. War Council revokes America’s license to fail? I get it. The U.S. is the last democratic Superpower. They’ve got a lot of TSBU (Toxic Sperm Build Up) and jingoism to release every few years. John Wayne. Bombs. Bullets. Testosterone. War is the sexy impregnator of global social interaction. Let’s face it, Obama’s homo-erotic wet dream is to Slim Pickens a few ICBM missiles up Syria’s arsenal. The problem is…

SuperpowerAmerica’s not the Superpower of old. They’ve never conquered a nation – unless you count Puerto Rico and a couple of islands in the South Pacific that were considered strategic naval base points (back when a Navy was something to fear – now Somali pirates have better gear). Once upon a time France, Portugal, Spain and Great Britain were sailing the Seven Seas assimilating nations and spreading bad grammar which we’re finally feeling the full impact of now on Facebook and Fox News. Even Germany and Japan were fearful destroyers of worlds. But America? Well, they’re really good at war tours. A fly over of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a short vacation in Korea, a decade exfoliating jungles in Viet Nam, and most recently two decades as part of a fun fuelled Iraq/Afghanistan/Iraq Weapons of Amassed Frustration sandwich.

capture_the_flagThe issue is that America isn’t capturing the flag anywhere they go. They drop/shoot/kill and leave tonnes of machinery behind which stimulates the underground scrap metal economy of the host nation and leaves America in debt back home. They’re not even Saving Private Ryan. With the exception of giving Osama Bin Laden a bullet riddled high colonic and a Mafia necktie to Suddam Hussein they’re not  getting so much as a tea cozy or a participation ribbon for their efforts.

NelsonThe reason for this is the lack of a certifiably unstable ego-maniacal leader (Bush Jr. came close but was too stupid to know it). America has no Alexander The Great. No Ghangis Khan. No Napolean. Not even a frilly shirted poofter like Nelson – neither the Admiral that sailed tall ships nor the Major that went into space and dreamed of Jeannie. You can’t hope to be taken seriously in the world theatre when you jump the neighbour’s fence, defecate in the backyard and then run away when the home owner fights back.

A strong leader in America would mean a strong America – with or without the unnecessary invasion of foreign territories to steal STDresources under the pretext of peacekeeping. Listen to me, America. I love you guys. No, really I do. You do NOT need another war. You need a hug, a beer and a national orgy. The Puritans need to put down their guns and twerk a little  Oh, who am I kidding…they need to twerk a LOT. Here for your dining and fornicating pleasure are songs to soothe the savage breast. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=536113919793289
War1)  EDWIN STARR – “War”
Kinda obvious. Kinda self-explanatory. Not a sexy song by any stretch. Just one to deprogram those violent DNA strands. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01-2pNCZiNk

2) BARRY WHITE – “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love Baby”
WARNING: Wear a condom before listening to this. Women have been known to conceive just listening to Barry’s voice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0I6mhZ5wMw

3) QUEEN – “Get Down Make Love”[Live]
Singer Freddie Mercury was an unusual sex symbol bridging the gap between two genders. Heterosexual men didn’t seem to mind that he was gay. The music spoke volumes to all orientations. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV8s1jAL3Pw

4) GEORGE HARRISON – “Give Me Love”[Live]
How George Harrison emerged from the Beatles without being a basketcase is a testament to the Quiet Beatle’s daily balance of true Zen – living in the material world and finding inner peace. We should all be so self-aware.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4JXhq7gd9g

5) KYLIE MINOGUE – “Can’t Get You Outta My Head”
Before Miley shook her twerk-thing, Kylie shook down under.

TinaTurner6) TINA TURNER – “Private Dancer”
Of course, Kylie and Miley would be nothing without the Queen of Sexy. Death on two-legs.

7) MARVIN GAYE – “Let’s Get It On” [Soul Train]
Well…? Starts at the 4.30 mark



8) AL GREEN – “Let’s Stay Together” [Soul Train]
When The Preacher says you need to stay together….you STAY TOGETHER!!

9) THE BELLS – “Stay Awhile”
Only singer Jackie Ralphs could take a Ken Tobias folk song and make it sound lurid by uttering a single word – “quiver”. The voice of a 1,000 teenaged saccharine pop wet dreams. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAroPEI7Y30

10) DREAM ACADEMY – “Love Parade” [U.K. Version]
Something got lost in translation between the Summer of Love and this Summer of Death. For a brief moment in 1985 a musical generation rediscovered their hippie mojo. Listen to this and mellow your harsh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fLVCswP_P4

11) TEARS FOR FEARS – “Sowing The Seeds of Love”
Yes. It’s an homage to the Beatles. Get over it. With all the hatred from listeners in 1989 on that single point, no one bothered to stop and listen to the lyrics. As relevant as ever.

Seeds of loveHigh time we made a stand
and shook up the views of the common man
And the lovetrain rides from coast to coast
D.j.´s the man we love the most
Could you be, could you be squeaky clean
And smash any hope of democracy?
As the headline says you´re free to choose
There´s an egg on your face and mud on your shoes
One of these days they´re gonna call it the blues

And anything is possible when you´re
Sowing the seeds of love
Anything is possible
Sowing the seeds of love

I spy tears in their eyes
They look to the skies for some kind of divine intervention
Food goes to waste!
So nice to eat, so nice to taste
Politician grannie with your high ideals
Have you no idea how the majority feels?
So without love and a promised land
We´re fools to the rules of a government plan
Kick out the style: bring back the jam

Anything is possible when…

Sowing the seeds
The birds and the bees
My girlfriend and me in love

Feel the pain. Talk about it
If you´re a worried man. Then shout about it
Open hearts. Feel about it
Open minds. Think about it
Everyone. Read about it
Everyone. Scream about it!
Everyone. Everyone. Everyone
Read about it. Read about it
Read it in the books in the crannies
And the nooks there are books to read

Time to eat all your words
Swallow your pride
Open your eyes

High time we made a stand and shook up the views of the common man
And the lovetrain rides from coast to coast
Every minute of every hour – I love a sunflower
And I believe in lovepower, love power, lovepower !!!

Sowing the seeds of love
An end to need
And the politics of greed
With love

12) ISRAEL “IZ” KAMAKAWIWO’OLE – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”

Peace out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_DKWlrA24k


Jaimie’s column appears every Saturday.

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

DBAWIS ButtonJaimie “Captain CanCon” Vernon has been president of the on again/off-again Bullseye Records of Canada since 1985. He wrote and published Great White Noise magazine in the ‘90s, has been a musician for 35 years, and recently discovered he’s been happily married for 17 of those years. He is also the author of the Canadian Pop Music Encyclopedia and a collection of his most popular ‘Don’t Believe A Word I Say’ columns called ‘Life’s A Canadian…BLOG’ both of which are available at Amazon.com or http://www.bullseyecanada.com 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: