Segarini: Excuses, Excuses….

Dear Readers. Please excuse Bob from today’s Column…the Dog Ate His Homework.

Signed, My Mom

Well, kids, this week’s column is going to be late. Only by a day or two, or three, or maybe a week, but late, nevertheless. In the meantime, enjoy the following. Hey! You didn’t thnk I would just bring a note from my mom and then leave you sitting there, ready to read and feeling like I have abandoned you, did you? You did? Really?

I would NEVER do that to you!

Not intentionally, anyway. So yeah, here’s a little something for you…and if what follows is not enough, search the site using the ‘Archive’ window on our home page…with over 680 columns here, there must be SOMETHING you haven’t read yet….

This time you can blame these things for my actual, real column being late…again. I blame myself, actually, but what do I know?

Choose as many as you like….

1. Indie Week

The bars are open until 4:00 am, I still have a functioning liver and lots of Will Power. Unfortunately, I don’t have any Won’t Power. P.S: Why are all the bathrooms in bars in the basement and a 15 minute hike from the bar?

2. The Amount of Research

I often forget I have to check my facts before I can complete any of these columns. Unlike Fox News, Facebook Alarmists, the Republican Party and their insane followers, and the equally annoying but smugly overlooked Left Wing Nutcases, I believe that the truth is much better than supposition, conjecture, opinion, false or erroneous information, and self-righteous posturing. If you really believe in healthy living, the environment, and organic food, you better be eating a bag of kale chips in your Prius while driving to the bicycle rally to protest corporate, meat eating, genetically altered bean curd promoting, Mother Earth rapists. Unfortunately in the war between Fact and Fiction, Fiction is ahead of Fact 327 to 4.

3. Sleep

Sleep is the enemy. But sometimes, even I have to lay down and close my eyes. Seep is non-productive, wastes time, and serves no creative putpose other than to make sure you don’t walk into a lamp post or wake up at 5 am in the last subway stop with the janitor hitting your foot with a broom telling you to go home.

4. Angry Birds Star Wars and Buzzfeed.

Modern day crack. You can’t just kill one egg stealing pig and stop, or read “43 Life threatening Disco Records”, and not click on the next article, “25 Reasons Kanye and Kim Would Make Good Kindling”…and so forth, and so on.

5. Downloaded Movies and Television Shows.

Given the ability to watch TV and Movies at your leisure is a double edged sword. Just because you can watch a full season of Cedar Cove (an American Hallmark Channel series about a bunch of 50-somethings who live in an idyllic seaside town, which is just like “Murder She Wrote” except without Angela Lansbury or murders) or the entire Star Wars collection of movies, doesn’t mean you should.

6. Doors, Phones, and Messages.

One knocks, one rings, one beeps. If you don’t ignore them, you are often drawn into the 9^th Circle of Hell.

7. Hygiene

Why isn’t there a waterproof laptop?

8. Boredom and/or Writer’s Block

What’s another word for “frustration”? Didn’t I write a column just like this one back in June? Oh look! A bunny!

9. The Sun

It comes up. My eyes bleed. I can’t see the monitor. I give up.

10. Evil Computer Silliness

Just when you need it to be working at it’s optimum capacity (which it was just minutes before you started writing), Mr. (or Miss) computer decides to A. Slow down. B. Lag or freeze up. C. Crash. D. Turn into a block of concrete or wheel of cheese. (this has only ever happened once. I may have been high).

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Anyhoo, my regular column is about halfway done and I will finish it no later than the end of the week…although, now that I think about it, I probably could have finished it now instead of writing this.

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Here’s a very small preview of the big, delayed, column in question….

The Beat The Beat The Beat

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Segarini’s regular column appears here every Friday

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, osts The Bobcast every Monday night at Cherry Cola’s, and continues to write music, make music, and record.