Alex Payne: I’m With The Band: The Trials and Tribulations of Being a Band Girlfriend

Alex Payne

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our newest addition here at DBAWIS. Alex will be splitting Wednesdays with Nadia, so, along with Sunday’s Roxanne Tellier, we get the voice of three fabulous, intelligent, witty, and entertaining women whose lives intersect with pop culture at every turn. They are also much prettier and drool-worthy than me and the boys. Ladies and Gentlemen…Ms. Alex Payne.


It takes a special breed of woman to take on the role of a band girlfriend. If I’ve said this once, I’ve said this a thousand times. Every single significant relationship I’ve been in (and even some of the peripheral ones) has been with a guy in a band. While each former boyfriend’s musical endeavors have been of varying success (anywhere from “sometimes we meet once a week” to “sorry, honey, we’re going on a month long tour of Europe”), the song remains the same: it almost always ends in disappointment.

Friggin' GodsI want to preface the rest of this article by saying there are amazing aspects of dating a musician (I’ve even written articles on the topic. Hey, write what you know, right?), and not every guy in a band is a dick. I don’t want to be accused of making any sweeping generalizations, or of penalizing any of my former boyfriends for more than is warranted. Every guy I’ve ever dated has been incredible for the most part. That being said, however, many of the issues in our relationships have stemmed from their common chosen career path.
First of all, you need to be okay with being second in his life behind three or four other guys Birthday Alone(and to a lesser extent, you need to be okay with being in a relationship with four or five guys at the same time. Guys you may or may not get along with). The amount of birthdays, Christmases and New Years Eves that I’ve spent alone because of conflicting band schedules would rival even the craziest of crazy cat ladies.
You also need to pray you get along with the other band member’s girlfriends. When you all like each other, your lives become substantially easier. There is a camaraderie between band girlfriends that cannot be broken, and it grows strongest while watching your collective boyfriends haul gear into the back of a van between 3 and 4 am.

MusiciansUnfortunately, I have about 10 years of experience within the band girlfriend realm, and even more unfortunately, I sense it’s a moniker I won’t be shaking anytime soon. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, I like guys in bands, and guys in bands like me. Maybe they can sense my unwavering tolerance for all the bullshit that comes along with them. Maybe I’m wearing a sandwich board that says “masochist”. All I know is that if I could help it, I’d never date a guy in a band again…

…but I also know to never say never.


 Alex’s column appears every other Wednesday

Contact us at:

DBAWIS ButtonAlex is a lover of music, a fine dancer, and rocks the coolest black rimmed glasses ever. She speaks her mind, says what she means, and is without fear.


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Twitter: @alexpaynexox

One Response to “Alex Payne: I’m With The Band: The Trials and Tribulations of Being a Band Girlfriend”

  1. What makes her more droolworthy, Segarini? (belch!) Crap! Someone’s at the door. I’d better put pants on. And where did I put my beer?

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