Segarini: Snarknado

The Bobcast Bob May 6th 2013 Cropped

Wherein Your Humble Windbag Offers Up a Cyclone of Comments on The Current Problems of the Day According to Facebook…and a bunch of other unrelated stuff.

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Is it just me, or is damn near everybody out there up to their necks in barely contained rage? Everywhere you look there are Haters, Bullies, Whiners, Protesters, Maniacal Ranters, Incensed Armchair Quarterbacks, Festering Know-It-Alls, Fear and Rumour Mongers, Doubters, Glass Eyed Gullibles, Spoilers, Pious Self-Righteous Accusers, Judges and Jurys, Namby-Pamby Apologists, Knuckle Draggers, Sycophants, Doomsayers, Nay Sayers, and Poltroons…especially Poltroons.

I intensely dislike Poltroons….

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Nowhere on Earth is this Flock of Me-Gulls more evident than in the Hallowed Halls of Social Media…and when I say “Social Media”, I mainly mean Facebook.

Ahhh, Facebook…last freehold of the disenfranchised middle aged middle class. Was anyone surprised when it was announced that vast numbers of young people had escaped the confines of Facebook for even more venal pastures like Instagram, SnapChat, and Tumblr?

I’d leave too, if my mother or grandmother poked me and invited me to play Candy Crush, or was checking out my bathroom selfies and my status update about how drunk I got last night at the club. Ewww….

So instead of Facebook being where young people wax philosophically about My Little Drake, Jay Zzzz, or True Blood, it has become where Facebook Fogeys wax philosophically about what they had for dinner, politics, sports, their awesome collections of whatever, and post links to ‘60s and ‘70s songs on YouTube that are so worn out, you can almost hear the rust and dust falling off of them. Seriously…does ANYONE need to post the link to Smoke on the Water or She Loves You again…ever? Seriously?

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Opinions….

We all have an opinion…and we all have the inalienable right to express it.

An opinion is this:

o·pin·ion

əˈpinyən/

noun

noun: opinion; plural noun: opinions

  1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

“I’m writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance”

synonyms: beliefjudgment, thought(s), (way of) thinking, mind, (point of) view,viewpointoutlookattitudestancepositionperspectivepersuasion,standpoint; More
  • the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing.

“the changing climate of opinion”

  • an estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something.

“I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved”

  • a formal statement of advice by an expert on a professional matter.

“seeking a second opinion from a specialist”

  • LAW

a formal statement of reasons for a judgment given.

  • LAW

a lawyer’s advice on the merits of a case.

For a more detailed definition of “Opinion”, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opinion

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That said…an opinion can be as wrong-headed as is humanly possible, and not being able to call into play some hard facts, or at least an explanation as to how you arrived at your opinion, will make your opinion moot to others, except those who share your opinion. The problem with that is, if your opinions turns out to be erroneous in fact, or proven to be uninformed at a later date, your opinions will eventually be ignored by everyone…and in MY opinion, I don’t believe anyone wants that. Business professionals, lawyers, and doctors, etc, can lose their jobs and credibility if they express less than informed opinions in their work. The rest of us, well…we just end up looking stupid…bigger asses than the Kardashians have.

So…an opinion does not have to be based on facts or reality. I’ll accept that. But when your opinion is put to use spreading fear and rumours, and bullshit, I draw the line. Google search is your friend. If you learn how to use it and are diligent, you can research those news stories you want to share and avoid making a fool of yourself and annoying the rest of us. Make SURE the sky is falling before you post the article that scared you half to death, and make sure there IS a wolf stalking you before you cry “WOLF!” …otherwise, someday, if you ARE attacked by an actual wolf, we will just shake our heads and keep playing Candy Crush until your remaining arm is torn to shreds and ends up with the rest of you in wolf tummies.

…at least, that’s my opinion.

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Hi! My Name is Betty, and I Love Beyonce, Always Tell the Truth, Am Spiritual, Gentle, and Kind, Dance Like No One is Watching, Don’t Give a Fuck, and I’m AWESOME!

I have a problem when people tell me what they are like instead of letting me find out what they’re like through getting to know them and interacting with them over a period of time. Not sure why, but I become wary when someone insists on telling me they are this or that without any provocation. It seems a bit pushy, and makes me feel like I am being fed directions instead of learning about someone naturally. It just seems unnecessary to me…especially when the conversations and interaction following the tutorial do not seem to support the self-image I have had told to me.

Maybe it’s just me….

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Okay…We Are Awesome, Tough, Compassionate, and Don’t Give a Fuck….

We know these things because we keep telling each other these things. Mostly using other people’s creative memes and pictures, we tell each other endlessly what we are like and how we roll.

We love our kids.

We love our music.

We are awesome and not to be fucked with.

We are concerned about injustice.

We hate cancer.

We hate war.

We hate hatred.

We hate Bullies

We hate inequality and corporations and politicians and cops.

We REALLY hate guns.

We abhor judgmental hypocrites…no…wait…that’s just me…I hate Judgmental Hypocrites.

I am confused and saddened by judgmental hypocrites…which, sadly, is most of us.

…and, most importantly, I do not like being told to “Share this status if you…”

Love your Kids

Love your Music

Think you’re Awesome and not to be fucked with

You too, are concerned about injustice

You too, hate cancer

You too, hate war

You too, hate inequality, and corporations and politicians and cops

And you REALLY hate guns.

Well…here’s the deal.  Of COURSE I loathe cancer, war, injustice, inequality, and the other obvious things that rational people with a modicum of common sense would despise, but I would rather try to DO something about those things than publically (and constantly) complain about them. However, I strongly disagree that guns are a problem…I believe that Assholes and Idiots are a greater threat to all of us, I disagree that all corporations and politicians and cops are evil or bad or nuts, and I also LOVE my family whether I post it on FB or not, and I find it needy and a little annoying to be told to “SHARE MY STATUS” in order to prove it to you or anyone else.

You don’t need anyone to agree with you if you believe in something.

Ever.

And by the way…I DO give a fuck.

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The Top Ten Things I See On Facebook That Drive Me Bat Shit Crazy

10. The Inability to be able to tell the difference between a real news story and satire.

Radioactive Tuna Found in San Diego McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish

We have Proof Obama Once Swore at a Nun

Republican Senator From Minnesota Eats Puppy at Family Picnic

Auto Tune Causes Cancer in Teens

Jeb Bush Promised 2016 Presidency Victory by Man From the Future

Russell Brand Solves All of Humanity’s Problems, Joins the Cast of The New Girl

Scientists warn: Washington DC sitting on Super Pot Hole

Revealed! Elvis Murdered While Working as Wal-Mart Greeter in Rome, Georgia

Wonder Bread Removed from Grocery Store Shelves: Causes Twerking in Tweens

Rob Ford Revealed to be Agent of Hydra, Eats Cow, Smokes Banana, Passes Out Naked in City Hall Office

…you get the picture.

Snopes is not run by the government or some sinister shadow corporation. It is run by an older couple who live in the Midwest of the US of A. They don’t ask for money and have no reason to lie to you…so your insistence on not believing  what they print is like telling your kids that their Aunt Alice isn’t visiting to see them and buy them presents and take them for ice cream…she is visiting to kidnap them and sell them to The Communists.

09. Pictures of Dead or Injured Animals and Children

Listen to me. Anyone who is aware of animal and child abuse, or abuse of any kind, wants to AVOID pictures of those atrocities. We are ALL familiar with the stark, stomach-churning reality of a dog that has been dragged for miles over a gravel road, tied to the rear bumper of a pickup truck, a child who has been mauled by an animal, a person who has been shot in the face,  etc. WHY ON EARTH do some of us insist on posting these horrific pictures?

The simple truth is this; the ONLY people who will be interested in these photos are the sick knuckle-draggers who would like to DO some of these things, or impressionable children who are inured to these sorts of images thanks to an off shoot of pop culture that embraced torture-porn horror movies, and graphic video games, and their ilk, and might say “cool”, instead of “Oh My God, that’s awful!”

Pellet gun, kitten…they got the idea from someone…please don’t be that person. Rather than that, give us a verified site where we can contribute to an organization that is FIGHTING these problems. Then maybe we could be making a difference.

08. You Won’t Believe What Happens Next, What Kind of Cotton Sheet Are You, Learn Your Vengeful God Name, Want to See the Cutest Thing Ever?. Here’s What Your Street Address Means, Click Here to Do Something Stupid. Like My Page/Band/Assault Weapon/Beer/Carpet/Doormat, and Learn How to Get an iPad, iPhone, Car, Willing 19 Year Old Nymphomaniac, Cottage, Island, Yacht, for less than 20% of What Everyone Else is Paying.

These posts in your newsfeed are known as ‘click bait’. What that means is this; When you click on any of them, the person/corporation/sponsor of that page gets more things added to your personal newsfeed. You will start to get “Related” posts after your initial click, and soon, your newsfeed will be crammed with nothing BUT this stuff. You can also use this to your advantage by clicking on your actual friends posts in your newsfeed or by ‘liking’ them and their personal (not the links to sponsored sites they send you, but the posts about baby Elrod’s first boom-boom, or their kitty kat’s first mouse kill) posts. More of their personal posts will start appearing in your newsfeed. Don’t take my word for this…read this… http://www.wired.com/2014/08/i-liked-everything-i-saw-on-facebook-for-two-days-heres-what-it-did-to-me/

And this…

https://medium.com/@schmutzie/i-quit-liking-things-on-facebook-for-two-weeks-heres-how-it-changed-my-view-of-humanity-29b5102abace

07. The Government/Big Pharma/Corporations/Police are trying to kill us/own everything/Cheat us/kill us some more….

No one is trying to kill you, unless your spouse is fed up with picking up your dirty socks, or not putting the cap back on the tube of toothpaste. Big Pharma is NOT holding back a cure for Cancer. There is Waaaay more money in curing it than there is in NOT curing it. There are plenty more diseases to cure where cancer came from. As far as the Police go…we all have tipping points, and unfortunately, even some well-trained police officers do too. They are also governed by years of rules and regulation training, and even if they follow them to the letter, can still be subjected to an incredible amount of scrutiny and consequences. For example…read this article and get a little more information (a lot really) on one particular case of the public vilifying a man who was just doing his job as best he could. Are there bad cops? Sweetie…there are bad EVERYTHINGS…but that doesn’t make EVRYTHING bad.

…and PLEASE remember this: You can THROW a knife.

Toronto Life: The Killing of Sammy Yatin

http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2014/08/14/the-killing-sammy-yatim/?page=all#tlb_multipage_anchor_1

06. Don’t Eat That! You Will Grow Tentacles and Possibly Develop an Uncontrollable Urge to Bite the Furniture!

Making Life Better Through Chemistry used to be the clarion call of Science, and every kid had a chemistry set and wanted to be a scientist. Now, people are terrified of Science, and fearful of what Science does…especially to our food. I honestly believe many of you would rather your great grandkids eat Soylent Green than a slice of Wonder Bread or a genetically altered pickle. Well…unless Science solves some pretty big problems in the next couple of decades, you will get your wish. Feeding the existing 7 Billion faces on this mudball is already difficult…wait until there are 10 Billion. Sooner than you think….

Terrified of Your Food? Gleefully Trying to Make EVERYBODY Afraid of THEIR Food?  Then Please Read This.

Neil DeGrasse on GMOs

http://rt.com/usa/177068-degrasse-tyson-gmo-youtube/

And This!

http://fafdl.org/blog/2014/08/14/what-the-haters-got-wrong-about-neil-degrasse-tysons-comments-on-gmos/

…and I mean READ the Whole Thing, or stay uninformed.

05. The Colour of Your Shirt/Pants/Underwear and the Last Thing You Ate is Your Superhero Name/Band Name/ First Born’s Name

Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! No! It’s Skid Mark Chicken Ball!

Tonight at The Horseshoe Tavern! It’s Dave and the Teal Cream Filled Cupcake!

This is my wife, Bernice, and this is our little girl, Purple Pin Stripe Kale Chip.

04. Selfies

Shouldn’t we have a cup of coffee at a mutually agreed upon coffee shop first? I don’t even know you, but I have been in your bedroom, bathroom, and living room multiple times. And no…that dress does not make you look fat.  Does my age make me look old?

03. Your Collection of Guitars, Tea Cozies, Barbies, Cars, Beer Cans, Hockey Cards, Unhurled Bricks, Stolen Property, Etc….

I could eat for a couple of months on what ONE of those guitars cost, pay my rent for at least two years with what just ONE of those cars cost, and though I am happy for you, I would think these things bring you great pleasure in and of themselves. Most of us have stuff we love, but I don’t understand the need to show anyone. What does cross my mind is how drool worthy those guitars must be to those musicians who can’t even afford one decent one, or any of those other tantalizing collections. A little girl seeing a 100 Barbies would probably consider robbing a McDonalds to have a similar collection.

On the other hand, I wish I still had all my comic books, LPs, Mad Magazines and TV Guides…but I don’t think I’d bring them up here.

Fuck…I don’t know. I had a lot of different guitars over the years…never kept any of them. Just one…and I lost that in a Storage Space that was sold off. I really loved that old beat up piece of shit.…which brings me to…

02. Whining

Look…we all have bad days. We all have to face and meet daily problems, try our best to solve them, and move on. Life can be, and is, a difficult maze of unexpected delays, obstacles, and stressful occurrences.

Complaining about them, or having to blame someone for something out of your hands that may have caused a problem for you, seems counter-productive…especially knowing that a pile of strangers are hearing all about them while trying to deal with their OWN problems. Our time would be put to much better use by working towards solutions, seeking out professional help, and putting our problems behind us as soon as we can to make room for the next ones.

Frankly, we are all pretty much the mechanics of our own woes, whether it be by inaction or something we did, or something that is a result of a past mistake.

…at least, that is how the vast majority of MY problems seem to have come into existence.

I found that once I accepted my responsibility in helping to create most of my own problems, whining became embarrassing. And never solved anything.

By the way…I have NEVER had a problem with Rogers (my internet/phone/cable provider). They have always bent over backward to address my needs, and I have been with them since there was a wire connecting the remote to the television, and all it did was let me turn the TV off and on and change channels. I’m nice to their reps, and they’re nice to me.

Now Bell is another story….

The shit I DIDN’T cause…nah…like my Dad always said, “Worry about and fix what you can, don’t worry about the stuff you can’t”

Thanks, Pop.

It just occurred to me that I am whining right now….

01. Rob Fucking Ford.

Let me make this as clear as I can make it.

I do NOT support Rob Ford.

I do not HATE Rob Ford.

I literally have no opinion about Rob Ford, because I do not know enough about him or the facts concerning the possibility that he may have done something as Mayor of Toronto that is worthy of criminal charges being filed against him, or the loss of his job.

…I seem to be one of the few people who feel that due process and patience are a vital part of an informed and sensible stance on a hot potato topic.

…and Rob Ford is the hottest potato we have here in the aptly nicknamed Toronto. We are not only known as The Big Smoke, we also wear the sobriquet Hogtown…which surprisingly, none of Ford’s detractors have used in their campaign to allude to Mr. Ford being the source of the Hog in Hogtown.

Maybe his detractors lack a certain sense of humour regarding their perception of Hizzoner’s less than politically correct demeanor.

The last time I checked, being overweight, slovenly, nervous, sweaty, inarticulate, choosing where and when you go somewhere, personal taste, and being visibly uncomfortable, are not against the law. Public intoxication, certain aspects of doing drugs…well, these could possibly be criminal activities given the proper circumstances, but so far, Ford is no more or less guilty of these things than are a large portion of his constituents. If these things were deemed criminal in and of themselves, there would be paddy wagons and cruisers doing landslide business after every sporting event, rock concert, and Monster Truck rally.

No…something criminal while being intoxicated or loaded needs to occur before the Police (or “BASTARD PIG ASSHOLES” as they are commonly referred to by a growing number of citizens) step in and haul your ass away.

So far, this has not happened.

On the surface, Mr. Ford seems to have done what he said he would do if elected. He HAS saved the City of Toronto some money (although many of his detractors take great glee in pointing out, not as much as he SAYS he has…but who here hasn’t exaggerated their accomplishments at one time or another?) and otherwise did Mayor-y things since he was voted into office. He received the most votes in an election, but much to the chagrin of a large portion (but still in the minority) of the populace, that portion has been upset ever since.

We KNOW they are upset because they have been all over the mainstream media, social media, and street corners, telling everyone just how upset they are.

Every day.

All the time.

Relentlessly.

Endlessly.

Repeatedly.

…but so far, judging from this ocean of ire, they are mostly upset that he is overweight, slovenly, nervous, sweaty, inarticulate, chooses where and when to go out, has horrible (in their opinion) personal taste, and is visibly uncomfortable.

…because the rest of it is based on rumour, conjecture, supposition, and gossip.

I don’t have a problem with Rob Ford (although Brother Doug seems to be kind of ‘icky’ to me), but I do have a problem with the people who have taken it upon themselves to bully, vilify, accuse, and besmirch the Mayor since he was elected, and devote a considerable amount of their time to beat the rest of us over the head with the leg they don’t have to stand on.

A case of Premature Evaluation.

I am not an apologist. I am not going to sit here in my underwear drinking a beer, smoking crack, and sweating profusely while I contemplate passing the bong with my buds while we watch the game on the big screen tonight, and start making excuses for Hizzoner. Instead, I am going to finish this paragraph so that those of you who wish to can decide that what I’ve typed in this paragraph is true and start spreading rumours to that effect as soon as you can tweet/post/call your BFFs.

The rest of you can keep reading.

We Interrupt This Portion of Today’s Blog With This Important Information

There are just a few ways to engender change in this world.

With your wallet.

With your vote.

With revolution.

You can also foment change from within, so some of you can go back to school, get a law degree, science doctorate, study political science, become a career politician, run a city comprised of millions of people, study law enforcement, complete the training and work on the streets for a decade, gain respect in your chosen fields, and instigate changes you feel would benefit the people.

And people will listen to you because you have done the work, proved yourself, are knowledgeable about how things actually work in your field beyond what you know from television and movies and sites like The Onion and World Press, and do what you can to make changes that will benefit the people at large. Make a better world or at least your corner of it better.

If you dislike a corporation, do not buy what they are selling. Do not tell the rest of us to do that…we will also be doing what we think is right.

If you dislike a politician, use your time to organize voters to vote for a candidate you have researched and found deserving.

If you do not do the above, chances are very good that nothing will change. Chances are good that you will continue to protest and rant and rave and complain with little or no results.

…and keep in mind that you may elect someone else who will demand that you go online/to the media/etc…and begin this process of loathing all over again. For some of you, this will never end.

That is all.

And now, Back to The Exciting Conclusion of “Rob Fucking Ford”

I suggest we all show a little patience at this stage of the game.

The election is just around the corner, and for those of you who despise our current Mayor (for whatever reason(s)) I hope you have spent the last 3 years organizing yourselves into a formidable voting bloc to get the election result you long for.

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A Rob Ford FAQ Sheet

Is Rob Ford a Douche?

Depends on who you talk to. Lots of people who have met him really like him. Have you met him?

Is Rob Ford the Worst Mayor Ever?

Not by a longshot….not even of Toronto.

Did Rob Ford Really Smoke Crack?

Yes. So did Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry, who, after being released from prison, was re-elected as Mayor. It seems he was a good Mayor…that also smoked crack.

Has Rob Ford Done Anything Illegal As Mayor of Toronto? Is He Corrupt or Use City Money Illegally?

Funny you should ask. I don’t recall anyone ever asking this before. We do not know yet. All we know is that there is an on-going investigation being conducted by the authorities, and at its conclusion we will be apprised of their findings. It is called “due process” and will answer all the questions many of you have already decided the answers to. WARNING: Some of you may become irritable when the facts are revealed.

Did Rob Ford Have Anything to Do With That Dead Dope Dealer?

We do not know yet. All we know is that there is an on-going investigation being conducted by the authorities, and at its conclusion we will be apprised of their findings. It is called “due process” and will answer all the questions many of you have already decided the answers to. WARNING: Some of you may become irritable when the facts are revealed.

Is There a Rob Ford Sex Tape?

We do not know yet. All we know is that there is an on-going investigation being conducted by the authorities, and at its conclusion we will be apprised of their findings. It is called “due process” and will answer all the questions many of you have already decided the answers to. WARNING: Some of you may become irritable when the facts are revealed…and a sex tape will probably be revealed (if one exists) just before the election.

Why Doesn’t Ford  Go to Pride Week?

We do not know. You may also ask why he doesn’t go to other functions he may not wish to attend, or doesn’t approve of. He did not try to prevent it, or say anything derogatory in public that I am aware of. Many people do not attend functions for a variety of reasons. It is possible that Mayor Ford simply wanted to avoid more derision, the heat, or the crush of a million party goers.  You saw what happened when he went to Caribana. (The press and television ran a picture of him dancing and possibly getting a Mayoral blow-job in public).

Why Isn’t Rob Ford in Jail?

We do not know yet. All we know is that there is an on-going investigation being conducted by the authorities, and at its conclusion we will be apprised of their findings. It is called “due process” and will answer all the questions many of us have already decided the answers to. If he has, IN FACT,  committed a criminal act that is connected to his job as Mayor, the authorities investigating him will let us know. If they conclude he has, he will be charged, tried, and either be exonerated or incarcerated. Just like you or anyone else would be. It is how our justice system works.

Why is Rob Ford so Famous?

Well, the truth of the matter is that his large following of bullies, detractors, and vilifiers have made him famous. The media LOVES this kind of viral ‘news’ story, and spread all the conjecture so far and wide, that Mr. Ford actually became a celebrity due to all the social media attention. He was now able to be inarticulate and awkward on the International stage. His discomfort has proven to be a charming diversion from real news, and has given Toronto a more human face as opposed to its previous public persona as an uptight, prudish, backwater. The more his detractors say about him, and complain he has embarrassed them and the fine city of Toronto, the more attention he gets. Mr. Ford has only embarrassed himself. He has not embarrassed me or any other resident of the Greatest City in North America. I can only imagine how another person can be embarrassed by someone they do not know, who does not know them. I would like to think that those who say they have been embarrassed by Mayor Ford actually mean to say that they are embarrassed for HIM.

That would be the compassionate and non-judgmental response to the Mayor’s condition and position at this time.

Imagine what it must be like, to be called so many names, accused of so many crimes, constantly harassed and demeaned, bullied and made fun of by so many otherwise well-adjusted people.

Just imagine….

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Coming Soon! Bicycles and Gridlock – How to Eliminate the Hazards and Annoyances of Both!

Your Comments are Welcome.

Segarini’s regular column appears here every Friday whenever he can finish one in time.

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

DBAWIS ButtonBob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, and continues to write music, make music, and record.

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5 Responses to “Segarini: Snarknado”

  1. Doug Chappell Says:

    Yup… just Yup !

  2. Jim Chisholm in Cambell River Says:

    So what is snarknado? Happy impending birthday Bob.

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