Segarini: Time Machine Part Two

bob-and-the-accordion1

I was either 8 or 9 years old. Young enough to do something stupid because, at that age, we all consider ourselves to be immortal, but old enough to take some precautions, which in this case meant removing the sheets and blankets from my bed and dragging the mattress through the house into the back yard and positioning it next to the garage in my mother’s peonies and petunias. I was fearless…I wasn’t even afraid of The Wrath of Mom….

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Let’s see…tea towel cape…check. Underwear on the outside of my pants…check. Big red “S” scrawled on my t-shirt in crayon…check. Galoshes with my pants tucked into them…check. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound…we’re about to find out.

Superman on Television 1950s (Original Opening)

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Science!

LudwigThanks to TV shows like Watch Mr. Wizard and the occasional Sunday night tutorials from the likes of Professor Ludwig Von Drake, the World’s Smartest Duck, I had enough scientific knowledge to plot out my experiment thoroughly and was confident that if I was correct, I would be able to launch myself into the sky and fly like a bird, or…more to the point…like an alien with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

In my tragically movie and television informed brain, I mistakenly, but honestly, believed that believing I could fly if I thought happy thoughts (thanks, Pixie DustPeter Pan), and sprinkled myself with magic pixie dust, which I took to mean powdered sugar, I would be able to fly. Add to that the absolute belief that I was from another planet (after all, I knew I was adopted, just like Clark Kent and was also a very strange kid because I read too much and thought sports were too much work), it was with total certainty that this experiment would make me internationally famous and cool, as long as I didn’t break my neck in the process. Myriad cartoons had also given me a solid backup plan.

The Experiment as Planned….

  1. Climb the trellis to the roof of the garage.
  2. Throw a couple of green walnuts picked from the tree adjacent to the garage and try to hit a car on California Street.
  3. Pray to Ra and look heavenward with legs spread and fists clenched in a true superhero pose, tea towel flapping in the wind.
  4. Look over the edge of the roof to make sure the mattress was where I left it.
  5. Stretch out my arms and yell “Up, Up. and Awaaaaaay!”
  6. Leap off the roof.
  7. Soar into the distance and save somebody or something.

The Experiment Addendum….

superkid

Everything went off without a hitch during the performance of 01 through 06.

Then I experienced the following….

  1. Plummet off the garage roof like a rock.
  2. Land on my stomach, arms outstretched, knocking the wind right out of me, tea towel cape covering up my head.
  3. Three more attempts, all ending in failure, plus one attempt at my backup plan, jumping off the roof holding an open umbrella.
  4. A few well chosen cuss words and then dragging my mattress back to my bedroom and repairing to my Fortress of Solitude under the headboard to superman-throne-copysulk.

It is probably for the best that I turned out not to be a Superman. Otherwise, I would be sitting on a diamond encrusted platinum throne right now, looking through women’s clothing, and accepting gifts from the public for not harming them unless I really didn’t like them. I would also be eating whatever I felt like eating at all times, because I would have full time chefs I could melt with my eyes if they didn’t bring me what I wanted.

Also…I would make sure that Marvel made my movies.

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Bonus!

As a bonus, and with a nod to George Reeves for being the best live-action Superman/Clark Kent to date, here are the original Fleischer Superman Cartoons that ran before the features in Movie Theatres in the ’40s. Still the best Clark and Supes, and stories.

They may change Clark and Supes every time he gets re-imagined, but Lois…Lois is an idiot. One of these days he should just let her hit the ground like a watermelon.

I swear to Ra, if we get one more fey Clark Kent, I will plotz….

The Original Fleischer Studio Superman Cartoons 1941

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As long as we’re here….

Seeing as how we are visiting the 1950s, it might be fun to show you youngsters the harsh reality of the era, as well as remind my generation that everything wasn’t all “better in the old days”.

True, we had our Perry Mason and Gunsmoke, and Ed Sullivan, and other iconic programs to while away the time until the Commies dropped the Big One and we all had to scramble for cover under our school desks and behind trees, but we had much more of this….

Television in the 1950s

…and this….

More ‘50s Television Intros

…and this….

Still More ‘50s Television

I’m surprised any of us survived.

Of course, the next decade had its own problems.

Television Debuts 1965 – 66 Season

…and so did the next….

(Bad) Television Shows from the ‘70s

Sci-Fi and Fantasy Television from the ‘70s

https://youtu.be/MfZerhRy8lc

…and if you were a kid in the ’60s, ’70’s, and ’80s…

Saturday Morning Fever 1964 – 1976

Saturday Morning Fever 1980s

Yes, there were some great shows back then…and there were also some stinkers. Not much has changed, has it. At least most of the stinkers look better these days.

…but that’s like saying a song is great because you like the drum or bass sound or the guitar solo.

The song may still be…”less than good”.

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The Internet is the Time Machine I refer to in the title of these columns. It truly is a wonder, and guarantees we are never far from our past, rose coloured glasses or not.

The whole reason for this series of columns was stumbling across the original Perry Mason shows, which led to Columbo, Banacek, and (God help me) Matlock. I used to make fun of Matlock without having ever seen one…”I have to get home, I don’t want to miss the Matlock Marathon on The Old Folks Channel”

Riker on Matlock

Well, I’ve seen a few now…including one that proves Commander Will Riker never got his own ship. I saw him as the prosecuting attorney on an episode of Matlock. Damn, how the mighty have fallen.

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The Internet is also a great way to stay in touch with your own, personal, past. So this last photo for today is courtesy of Facebook, and my cousin Eddie “Steady Eddie” Segarini. We always called him Brother, and his friends call him “Doc”, for reasons I won’t go into here. So, may I present my 8th Birthday Party, sitting on my dad’s lap, surrounded by friends and cousins.

I haven’t seen this picture since it was developed about a week after my birthday.

Bob's 8th Birthday

Thanks, Brother.

Thanks, Internet.

More pictures from my past in columns to come…but not right now…now I has stuff to do. Getting ready for Canadian Music Week. More on that this coming Friday. Roxanne and Pat should also have info for you this week.

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Any Questions or comments, please write them in the Comment Section below.

Your Comments Are Welcome

Segarini’s regular columns appear here eventually.

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.

One Response to “Segarini: Time Machine Part Two”

  1. Bonnie Phelps Says:

    I loved Banicek and I am glad you didn’t break your neck jumping
    Off the roof!

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