Bob the Canarican Celebrates Predependence Day!
Unlike the Man Without a Country, I am a man with TWO countries. The Country of my birth, America, and the Country I choose to live in and love with all my heart, Canada.
On this, the day before the sacred day of July 4th, a hallowed and fiercely proud day for the country of my origin, (known to some as Canada’s Pants, and to others around the world as Those Greedy Bastards), and two days after July 1st, a hallowed and beer-fueled and proud day for the country where I get my mail (known to some as America’s Hat and to others around the world as Those Nice Folks Who Live Amongst the Moose and Apologize for Everything), I have decided to extol the virtues and the differences between America’s Hat and Canada’s Pants. So, crack open a Bud Lime and open a bag of Hostess Poutine and Joe Louie Infused Kale Chips, and find your reading glasses. (They’re on your head, Einstein….)
Where I was Born
San Francisco. A beautiful city on the water with cable cars, great food, wonderful music, the Golden Gate Bridge, Coit Tower, and a huge ethnic population including a large LGBT community. Tony Bennett sings its praises.
Where I Live
Toronto. A beautiful city on the water with streetcars, great food, wonderful music, Ashbridges Bay Park, the CN Tower, and a huge ethnic population including a large LGBT community. Tommy Ambrose sings its praises.
Popular Television Shows
The Big Bang Theory, The Walking Dead, Baywatch, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Bachelor, Survivor.
Schitt’s Creek, The Trouble With Tracy, The Beachcombers, Trailer Park Boys, Dragon’s Den.
Popular Radio Shows
Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Howard Stern, Bill Carroll
John Derringer, Terry David Mulligan, David Marsden Jian Ghomeshi.
Hat and Pants Fun Facts
Canada’s total population is less than that of the state of California.
America is a Melting Pot
Canada is a Stew
America’s second language is Spanish
Canada’s second language is almost French
America has a Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter
Canada has Winter and Construction
America has Beer and Bourbon but everybody drinks Scotch
Canada has Better Beer and Rye but everybody drinks Scotch
America has a President, some good, some bad
Canada has a Prime Minister, some good some bad
America had a President who had an Enemies List
Canada had a Prime Minister who took advice from his dog
America takes its football seriously
Canada takes its hockey seriously (except the Toronto Leafs organization, who don’t appear to take it seriously at all)
America had to break away from England
Canada had to break away from France, and England, and America
America has The American Dream
Canada IS The American Dream
Who is More Likely to Say the Following, Hat or Pants….
“Watch it, Bub”
“Dammit! I left my wallet in a cab”
“Here’s your wallet, Sir, I found it in a taxi”
“Give me a ticket to the Monster Truck Rally”
“May I please have a ticket to the Ice Capades”
” I’m taking my vacation in Hawaii”
“I am going on Holiday in Cuba”
“Pass the ketchup”
” I’m going to do something about that”
“I’m going to write a letter to the Editor”
“Fer chrissakes, take Bieber back”
“Please keep Bieber there. Thank you”
Rob Ford or Marion Berry
George W Bush or Stephen Harper
Why I Moved to Canada in the First Place….
Billboard Magazine 1972
Things I Love about America
The amount of food you get in a restaurant.
My hometown of Stockton, California and the childhood I spent there.
The smell of the Pacific Ocean, the seaweed and kelp drying in the sun on the beach, the call of the seagulls, the salt water breeze.
The beauty of the Redwoods and Yosemite National Park
The excitement, hustle and bustle and vibe of New York City especially Manhattan.
Summers in Tahoe, Pinecrest, and Eureka California
Pink’s Hot Dogs, Cioppino, and Crab Louie’s, Tamales, and Cal-Mex enchiladas, Stockton’s asparagus and Bruno’s Peppers.
Taking the train from Sacramento, California to NYC.
Most of the weather
The outspokeness of the people
The Sierra Nevada foothills and the mountains themselves
California summer nights
The amount of ice bartenders put in the glass
A barbecued steak at Al the Wops in Locke, Calif, Clams at the Latin Quarter in Cherry Hill NJ, Pasties in the Midwest, Manhattan Clam Chowder, Frozen Red Hot brand Tamales, Tom’s Spicy Tomato Juice, 7oz. cans of Coors Banquet Beer, Genoa Bakery, and the breeze coming off the water driving on the levees through the San Joaquin Delta.
Things I love about Canada
The music and the people who write and perform it
The bars and venues where you can hear the music
The food and the restaurants
Seafood in Halifax and PEI
Montreal’s ambiance and of course, the food
Summer in Toronto
The Rockies, Banff, and Jasper
London, Hamilton, and Niagara in Ontario
The train across the country
Toronto’s Little Italy, Chinatown, and Queen Street
The Dundas/Ossington corridor
Vaughn, Ontario’s Centre street Deli, Toronto’s Harbour Sixty, Rancho Relaxo, and New Ho King
The view from my apartment
Things I Dislike in Both Countries
The God Damn wind! Spoils too many days. Breeze, Oui, Wind, Not so Oui.
Bicycles on major streets
Stupid, intrusive, childish, and unconstitutional/non-charter government control of smoking laws, gas, liquor and cigarette taxes
Transit stopping before restaurants and bars close
No place to park
Politics. Government would be better off without them
What has happened to radio
Extreme conservatives and liberals
Toques and Hoodies
No matter how you look at it, The Pants and The Hat are still much better than most other places. We are very lucky to be where we are.
We do need to protect what we have here, but not from threats from the outside as much as we need to protect ourselves from the threats from within.
We celebrate on the First and Fourth of July for good reasons…let’s not forget what those reasons are.
…like some of us already have.
Be safe, be well, be grateful.
Happy Birthday, Pants!
Segarini’s regular column appears here every Friday
Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, and continues to write music, make music, and record.