Roxanne Tellier: Nothing But the Tooth

Roxanne

Most of us take our clever bodies for granted, assuming that all our bits and pieces will do as they are told. The wonders of how all of our actions and bodily functions come together are something we don’t really think about.

Until something goes wrong.

SoreToothKiggy

Yes, a naughty tooth brought me low this week. Once again I bowed before medical science, marvelling at the wonders of antibiotics.

You can’t negotiate with a terrorist tooth. You can’t grit your teeth, as that will only make it hurt more. And you can’t grin and bear it, because the last thing you want to do is smile, so “science”.

praise the lord meme

So of course, like a punk rocker trusting drunken fans to bear me up in a crowd surf, I threw myself into social media, the only place you can go where they have to let you in even if you haven’t showered or bothered to get out of your pyjamas.

crowd surfing fail

I was so deep into politics over the last few months that much had passed me by.

donald trumps struggle memeFr’instance, this week I learned that self-made billionaire and full-time bloviator Donald Trump owes nothing to anyone, and thinks the majority of Americans are lazy bums who should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Anyone can do it, says the man with a hamster on his head. All he had to start with were wealthy parents, a private education, and a small million dollar loan from his dad. Any little boy can be president? Tell that to the 99%.

Speaking of money, Wil Wheaton, once known as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, now a respected writer and publisher, amongst other things, recently wrote a blog about ‘soft rebooting’ your life that went viral and caught the attention of The Huffington Post.

wheaton

“Huffington Post has a lot of views, and reaches a pretty big audience, and that post is something I’d love to share with more people, so I told the editor that I was intrigued, and asked what they pay contributors.

Well, it turns out that, “Unfortunately, we’re unable to financially compensate our bloggers at this time. Most bloggers find value in the unique platform and reach our site provides, but we completely understand if that makes blogging with us impossible.”Unknown

Now, HuffPo is famous for not paying writers, even though freelancers make up the mass of what is presented on their site. Wheaton did not offer his column – they asked if they could use the content. For new writers, for those who crave the exposure, the chance to claim a Huff Post credential is intoxicating. BUT – let’s get real. AOL bought the site in 2011, for US$315 million. Arianna Huffington, creator and editor-in-chief, is worth an estimated $50 million dollars.

And they can’t pay for content they requested ‘at this time?’ Don’t get me started.

http://wilwheaton.net/2015/10/you-cant-pay-your-rent-with-the-unique-platform-and-reach-our-site-provides/

Here in Canuckistan, the nearly departed/can’t go soon enough Stephen Harper is leaving behind a terrible mess for incoming Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, not least of which is the rotting manor known as 24 SussexDrive. Harper continued to live there, ala Miss Havisham, through his time as PM, despite warnings that the place was literally falling down around his ears. Renovations, refurbishments and general improvements are estimated at the $10 million mark, not including the golden toilet seats.

24 sussex repairs

Facebook to the rescue! I love the hive mind … we’re all too close to our own selves, and often can’t see solutions that may seem off the wall and unworkable at first glance. But I loved this suggestion that crossed my timeline

Since the Trudeau family will camp out at Rideau Cottage until 24 Sussex is liveable, why not turn the renovations into the ultimate Canadian reality tvseries? As a joint venture, channels that specialize in home renewal could each present their best professionals, each week featuring an aspect of the reno with a different ‘star.’ Both Bryan Baeumler and Mike Holmes, veterans of several home improvement series, have offered their construction services, and there are talented designers available from all across Canada that could round out the maple syrup quota in both official languages.

“24 Sussex Drive is effectively owned by taxpayers, managed by the National Capital Commission, guarded by the RCMP and holds a historical significance that cannot be ignored.

“I’m not sure what the tangled web of restrictions and red tape might be,” (Baeumler)said. “There’d be quite a quagmire of duelling opinions.”

“A show would be interesting. It would give people in Canada, I think, more of a sense of ownership of the property if they got to see it — and it would certainly keep the process a little more transparent,” Baeumler said.

“I think it’d be a great opportunity for Canadian corporations that supply products sourced and manufactured in Canada to showcase them. There’d certainly be sponsorship opportunities.”“

This suggestion may not be as tongue in cheek as it first appears; not only would the costs to Canadian taxpayers be slashed, and the bulk of the renovation covered in return for sponsorships and ratings, but such an undertaking would likely pique the interest of Joe Canada, who’ll probably never set foot in the place, but could join in a national pride in its completion. Hell, I’ll even cater, if they’ll pay for the materials.

Turning to music, T’ranna’s fave son, Drake, released a new music video. Drake’s a trendsetter … the term YOLO? Blame Drake. Referring to Toronto as “the Six?” Drake again. And apparently he’s coined yet another word, ‘boosie,’ that means ‘talking the talk.’ I can’t keep up. But I digress.

hotline bling butt

The point is that Drake’s all that. ‘HotLine Bling’ already has 22 million hits on YouTube, and that’ll just keep climbing. He’s got the eye and the ears of the fans and the media. Once you’ve hit the heights, you’re allowed to no longer care what people think of you. So, despite the requisite hyper inflated, big bottomed girls, Drake’s wearing the clothes he normally wears to clean out the garage, and his dance moves  – well, see for yourself. He’s dancing like nobody’s watching, including himself. And it almost makes you long for Elaine Benes  not so subtle dance moves.

Meanwhile, Adele broke her silence of several years with a release off her upcoming album, “25.” Adele could literally sing her grocery list and break your heart … her mezzo-soprano tears at your heart no matter the subject matter. But – once again – the subject matter in “Hello” is lost love and what might have been. And the fans are eating it up, with the new video at 180 million hits and counting …

The video’s popularity has sparked a few parodies already.  Ellen DeGeneres’ take mocks Adele’s flip phone use …

… whileJames Corden chose to parody the song and add a Halloween/Star Wars twist. Trigger warning: Pumpkins were harmed in the making of this video.

That other Justin … the one now being referred to as Canada’s Justin Who, has also shot his fans a new video. But, oh that little minx, he’s not even in it! 55 million hits for this dance video showcasing all-girl, New Zealand-based bieber sorrydance crew known as ReQuest, headed by Parris Goebel.

The video’s a fun watch. The girls, although undoubtedly talented and capable, still manage to look like kids you’d see at your local dance club – attainable, and perhaps just a little disbelieving of the Bieb’s 10 millionth apology.

The lyrics are another matter. The song is basically a booty call wrapped in fake apologia. “I’ll take every single piece of the blame if you want me too. But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two. I’ll go, I’ll go and then, You go, you go out and spill the truth.“ In other words, “I’m rubber, you’re glue.” Nice …

lemeowLastly, I’ve been meaning to get to this little gem for a month or two. At a recent party, we were introduced to the styling’s of leMeow, a soul-jazz duo fromOttawa, comprised of Gin Bourgeois and James Rooke.Their self-titled 3-track EP is now available on iTunes or http://lemeowmusic.com.

Enjoy!

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Roxanne’s column appears here every Sunday 

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

DBAWIS ButtonRoxanne Tellier has been singing since she was 10 months old … no, really. Not like she’s telling anyone else how to live their lives, because she’s not judgmental, and most 10 month olds need a little more time to figure out how to hold a microphone. She has also been a vocalist with many acts, including Tangents, Lady, Performer, Mambo Jimi, and Delta Tango. In 2013 she co-hosted Bob Segarini’s podcast, The Bobcast, and, along with Bobert, will continue to seek out and destroy the people who cancelled ‘Bunheads’. 

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