Segarini: Alphabet Soup Part One



I am busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. At my age, that seems next to impossible, but it’s true. I am inundated with projects, chores, assignments, and obligations. Thankful for all the activity, to be sure, but seriously, shouldn’t I be chugging Geritol and sitting in my rocking chair on the porch, working on my Whittling skills?

Instead, I am chugging Jägermeister and sitting at my desk in front of a computer in a pair of boxer shorts and a Nikola Tesla T-shirt.

Somebody fetch me a blanket…my legs are cold.


Time speeds up as you get older. Yesterday, it was November 6th, 1985…today it’s November 7th, 2015. …and I don’t even have a Flux Capacitor.


The mind also starts to occupy itself with effluvia, stopping to stare out the window at the tiniest of suggestions, the simplest of sentences, because everything you see and hear reminds you of another time, another place, another person, or another story. oldman2 (1)Those of an age may appear distracted, or to be lost in some foggy place that young people think we drift off to if the colours are too bright, or the music is too loud, but in reality, we have experienced so much more than them ( and by ‘them’ I mean anyone under the age of 40, the age you finally realize you don’t know shit, and after spending most of your life up until that moment thinking you know everything) and after a while, pretty much anything can trigger a memory, a song, a smell, or a person long gone from your life. I have always believed in a healthy mind, used constantly, exercised at every opportunity, and fed information continually. Too many people waste their lives trying 225466_204798802892198_7523803_nto preserve their bodies, make them prettier or more attractive. Regardless, your body will betray you. The parts will rust, the paint will chip, and the engine will finally give out. Kale and reps will not save you. You might exist longer, but you will not have lived as much as someone whose mind was constantly challenged, fed, and nourished. Add this to always retaining and paying attention to your inner child, and, like me, you can be a 15 year old driver in a 70 year old Chevy…hoping to be a 15 year old driver in a 100 year old Chevy.



That-Darn-Holodeck-2In truth, the ability to retain and recall information and experiences garnered over a long period of time is better than any other ability I can think of. To be able to transport yourself through time and space with the tiniest of efforts is at your fingertips, a personal Holo-Deck in your head that needs no other fuel than that which is already stored in your cranium, in your DNA, in your heart, and your soul.

Let me show you how this works using only the alphabet as a trigger…and afterwards, try it yourself. If you have embraced life, I can promise you a trip to that Place where the Older People Go, that place where every moment, every sight, sound, and person experienced or known during your life continues to exist, there to summon whenever you wish. The Bouillabaisse of the Brain, The Minestrone of the Mind…or just plain….

Alphabet Soup 

A. Amy. My daughter. Brave, smart, independent. Daughter. Wife Mother. Inspiration. She is everything I hoped for, exceeding her parents expectations at every turn. When she experiences joy, I do as well. When she experiences heartbreak, so do I. It is thus for all parents. or at least should be. Unconditional love.


…and the Amy I still visit.

Amy MontrealB. Bob. Me. Tap dancing to ‘Shine On Harvest Moon at the San Joaquin County Fair at 3. playing the accordion after dinner for my folks at 5, learning to play the guitar at 12, joining a band at 16. All here. Right now.


C. Cheryl. Amy’s mother, my ex. A wonderful, beautiful, sweet woman and where Amy gets her beauty. A patient, hard working, and resilient person and a far better human being than I. Happily remarried to a wonderful guy and living a life she has always deserved


D. Della. My aunt, who lived with my parents and I until she passed away. An innocent, uneducated and mentally challenged, oft times hilariously funny, and unaware of her shortcomings. We should all be as guileless and compassionate. When her closest friend, My Grandma Kay died, della came home from the funeral and announced she was “Going with Kay”. She passed away in her sleep that night, and doctors could not find any other reason than “natural causes” she was 60 and had not been sick a day in her life.

E. Eddie. Segarini. Known to one and all as “Brother” when he was growing up. One of my favourite cousins and the one with which I courted the most danger and trouble. Hell of a guy when he was a kid. Hell of a guy now. Miss him like crazy, but I can never get him to come visit, so…I see him in my head. 

Eddie Segarini

F. Ferndale. California. A little one horse town just south of Eureka California. It popped into my head just now because of its quaint visage, and an old-time Ice Cream Parlour that was on Ferndale’s one and only main street. You could get all kinds of soda fountain treats, even an egg-cream, or go all nasty and have a banana split or sundae. F also conjures up Farrell’s in the Pacific Northwest…also an old fashioned Ice Cream Parlour with the added bonus of a 6 foot long deli sandwich that was impossible to stop eating. Singing waiters and open late. The Portland Zoo at one location and the Mt. Shasta in the other. There are now other locations, but the ones in Portland and Seattle are the ones I can still visit…in my head.


“Ladies and gentlemen may I have your attention please. Right here from the frosty fingertips of Farrell’s fantastic fountain is the largest sundae in all the world. Now this sundae has 8 ½ pounds of ice cream, gobs and gobs of whip cream, bananas, nuts, and cherries. Why you name it, it’s got it in it. It’s called our Portland Zoo and it takes two strong men to carry it. ” And off it raced, a giant stainless steel bowl of ice cream cradled in a wooden board balanced on the shoulders of two strong young men. Sirens blaring, bells clanging around the restaurant they went until finally it made it to the customer’s table.


Just in case you’re curious, the Portland Zoo as it was originally called, contained a giant scoop each of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, chocolate chip mint, peppermint, and spumone ice cream to make the first layer. Orange, raspberry and lemon sherbet alternated with scoops of vanilla to create the second layer. Poured over the entire bowl were the following toppings: strawberry, chocolate, pineapple, butterscotch and blackberry. Three bananas were cut crosswise and spaced evenly around the bowl. A stripe of whipped cream decorated the edge of the bowl between each banana slice. Then rosettes of whipped cream were sprayed on top of each banana and topped with a plastic toy animal. The crowning touch were the chopped toasted almonds and cherries sprinkled generously over the whole bowl.

Beat that, Baskin & Robbins.

G. The Glancy Brothers…and now I’m one.

Bob Glancy

H. Hollywood. Hooray for Hollywood, from one of my favourite Busby Berkley movies. “Hollywood Hotel”. No, I wasn’t there in 1937….

…But I was there for this….

…and this….

…and this….

I. I5. We must have driven the length of this Interstate Freeway over 100 times. From San Diego to Vancouver B.C…the Family Tree and Roxy made their Bones on this freeway. We were part of the Rock and Roll Circus that plied this alley, back and forth, being paid in ones and fives, and eating at every drive-in and dive from Canada to Mexico.

Next: Part Two of Alphabet Soup


Segarini’s column appears whenever Mercury is in Second Grade

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Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record

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