Segarini: 2015: The Farce Awakens – The Age of Idiocracy

bob and tory 1

2015 – I Nap With the Mayor

I’m scrolling through my Facebook news feed a couple of days ago and I came across a link to an article called “20 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Vagina” No…not kidding, and the article did contain some valuable information all women should be aware of. That said, I’m pretty sure women have that subject well in hand. After all, the ladies all HAVE one and have been wrestling with it since they were born. What we REALLY need, is an article called “20 Things MEN Should Know About a Woman’s Vagina”, because, according to a lot of women, some of us boys need a clue, a map, a shave, and a manicure…and boys, you know who you are, and because they talk amongst themselves about EVERYTHING, so do the ladies.

www.care2.com/greenliving/20-things-every-woman-should-know-about-her-vagina.html

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CNtHdH9UwAIeDltThe point I am trying to make is that we have reached a point in our evolution that allows us to communicate with one another about anything. We can openly discuss any subject that exists, from anal bleaching to Trump’s comb-over, from the burning concern over whether Caitlin Jenner sits or stands when she pees, or to the size of Kanye’s brain compared to pretty much any Kardashian’s ass.

…and occasionally, we have the opportunity to discuss the important issues of the day; Should we ask the Bush family to just, you know…stop talking or running for office or breathing, or should we try to reason with a Republican/Conservative/Fundamentalist/Christian/Evanngelist/Loofa or Fox News Talking Heads with Beautiful Complexions, Gorgeous Blonde Hair and Large, Firm, ben carterBreasts about…well, anything…without wanting to clamp their heads in a vice and grind a cheese grater over their noggins until we can see just what the hell is inside their skulls that replaced a normal brain? And…and I do not want to appear offensive, rude, or racist here…but would someone from the African-American community please explain Ben Carter to the rest of us? Cannot he sing or dance either? Is he bereft of sportsball skills? Does he drive a Hummer or repurposed bus to make up for other inadequacies?

Even though we have reached a point of being able to discuss ANYTHING, we rarely have the discussions we should have. …and even if we DO have the discussions we really should have, that STILL leaves us with the actual, overwhelming, elephant in the room…

We TALK about shit…but we rarely, if ever, get around to DOING anything about it…like…for example…who the fuck are these people who keep bringing fucking elephants into the rooms where people gather to discuss stuff?

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Call me old fashioned…or make me an Old Fashioned, (http://oldfashioned101.com/) but I was raised to do my best to find the solution to a problem, and then implement the solution that has been arrived at to see if it works. If it doesn’t, then you cut bait and try the next suggestion, and so forth, and so on, until an actual solution is reached.

We have lost the ability to do so.

committee

Ego, large committees of pompous, thin skinned bureaucrats, Nervous Nellies, and waffling assholes who are just there to get paid and eat the free donuts, drag their feet, quibble like a Jury who are never actual “peers” of the accused or the accuser (Phil Spector was not tried by 12 successful, eccentric, production geniuses who have dealt with insane wannabe celebrity stalkers who are unpredictable and capable of doing crazy shit on you), so you are basically at the mercy of 12 people who are either too stupid to get out of Jury duty, or worse…LOVE jury duty because it makes them feel important. Either way…sometimes an OJ happens and we get all outraged and shit because…well…uh…fuck it…if we go there we’ll be there all day.

Again…(I am becoming predictable and my own worst enemy) my point is, nothing SEEMS to ever get done because nothing ever GETS done. Well, sometimes something gets done, but not very often, or years after the problem surfaces,..and when the solution decided by committee or dart board DOESN’T work, we form ANOTHER committee and take a gazillion MORE months to come up with ANOTHER ‘solution’ and here we go again.

data

The solution to THAT problem is to gather the best minds (not the loudest, greediest, ego-driven, lazy, donut-loving politicians) and come up with at least a half dozen good, solid ideas, and then implement them after the previous one fails, and STOP when one WORKS.

Where’s that Old Fashioned?

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We have always had difficulty inserting Tab A into Slot B, just like we have lost the ability to use common sense when it comes to addressing a problem that, for the most part, is fairly simple to take care of. And, if one solid, common sense idea doesn’t put the toothpaste back in the toothpaste tube (use an Icing Bag and a small tip) make sure you have backup plans ready to go. Time is more valuable than money ever will be…and that is one of our BIGGEST problems; not knowing just HOW valuable time is and how secondary and, in the long run, unimportant money is.

…because we have been listening to the wrong people, and embracing the wrong things, and have been forced by a (comparatively) small segment of the population to NEED more money just to survive. And it is THAT problem, and THOSE people who have cattle-prodded, seduced, and corrupted us into believing that they are the leaders, the wise, the benign, and the concerned.

There are exceptions, of course. America has a great (perhaps one of the Greatest) sitting President. Men like Bill Gates and Eon Musk are devoting time, energy and money to improving our lives…and in every segment of every pursuit on this planet, there are those who strive to bring about change for the better,  and offer ways we an afford a decent lifestyle without making deals with the Devil.

deal with the devil

…But those people who have steered us down a dark path that will only lead to a blind alley, who assure us that they are the leaders, the wise, the benign, and the concerned…They are NONE of those things…and we…are a bunch of Idiots.

…and if you haven’t figured it out yet, The Assholes run the show, and the Idiots do their work.

That’s the plan, that’s what’s happening, and 2015 was the year the plan kicked into high gear.

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In case You missed it….

Star Wars Episode 2015

If you’re pressed for time, or too lazy to click on the link, here is what it says….

It is an incredibly idiotic time on Planet Earth. Stupid People have made other Stupid People famous.  One man, The Obama, tries his best to undo decades of bad moves made by Bad People, but is hampered by sinister forces controlled by  people who are a word that starts with A, that Lucasfilm won’t allow me to use. That’s cool, you know the word, right? Anyway, that’s just the tip of the Iceberg. In all walks of life, in every corner of the globe, Stupid has taken root, threatening the Un-Stupid with many stupid things, and Stupid Troopers fight for the Stupid with all their ill informed, uneducated, judgemental power.  The Un-Stupid look to 2016 as a ray of hope in defeating The Stupid and their Idiot Stupid Troopers, and living a pleasant, productive, happy life with family and friends, in peace and harmony, or at least at a respectful distance, with the rest of the world.  Join us here , Monday, January 11th for this exciting adventure….Why isn’t there a bar in this theatre?

Used it on Facebook to alert the troops to my Year End Review of 2015.

…and here it is…Part 1 of a look back at the recently deceased year I like to call:

Episode 2015 – A New Dope

International

jawa

Angry Young People from Everywhere call themselves by several different names and terrorize the wrong people for the wrong reasons in the name of a religion they do not believe in or understand. They cause everybody else to want to bomb the shit out of whole countries, and hate EVERYBODY from a bunch of different places for no reason because STUPID. The logic behind bombing EVERYONE to solve this problem, is like killing your dog because he has fleas.

The weather continues to get frightening fear inducing names like Polar Vortex, The Next One, Snowmaggedon, Rain of Terror, Betty the Hurricaniac, Mudzilla, and HeatAttack, instead of going by their old names, Freezing weather, Snow storm, Rain, Hurricane, Mudslides ,and “Jebus, it is ever HOT” Why? Because STUPID. In 2015, if it wasn’t scary or celebrity-centric, it wasn’t news.

Malaysians aren’t very good at keeping track of their airplanes. Which is more sad than STUPID…’cause airplanes are pretty fucking hard to misplace. or just happen to wander off course.

Russian leader Putin does some good stuff and some bad stuff and we’re not sure which is what because we’re not sure what’s true and what isn’t because STUPID.

Donald Trump replaces Rob Ford as the biggest non-celebrity to be thrust into our faces every 30 seconds because he is an Idiot AND an Asshole, while Ford was just kinda lumpy and sweaty. Both those who love them and hate them, and spend valuable, 6a00d8358081ff69e20168e70dec42970c-800wiirreplaceable time shaming them, supporting them, spreading rumours, gossip, and out and out lies about them however, cover STUPID pretty well.

Ben Carter is just plain STUPID and I am surprised he can dress himself. Pretty sure he has a drawer full of clip on ties.

The people who elevate these celebrities to superstar status by going on and on and on about them, have proven to be biggest purveyors of STUPID. Further, the seemingly unlimited supply of these enablers and their targets have guaranteed a surplus of STUPID that will last until we are all fertilizer…or Soylent Green.

That little Korean guy who inherited a whole country from his father is as STUPID, and like his father, as dangerous as a 3 year old with an assault rifle and a drunk uncle.

International air travel became a cross between being herded like cattle and having Honey Boo Boo’s mother as a partner on “So You Think You Can Dance” So…DOUBLE STUPID there…NO…TRIPLE STUPID. Horrible traveling treatment, Honey Boo Boo is a celebrity, and so his Mother of Honey Boo Boo. STUPID bats 3 for 3.

Canada got boned, robbed, tricked, lied to, and fleeced by a Bush Weasel for 10 years until 2015, when he was replaced by someone who might have a chance to turn things around, but Canadians are already doubting his chances, and the Angry Right are STILL unable to get their ‘facts’ straight.

Bunch of other STUPID shit is going on, but hey…you know that already, don’t you?

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American Politics

I wish Obama could just stay in office until he does everything he has been trying to do. P.S, he does NOT want your fucking guns. Learn to read.

Highlights of one of the 2015 Republican Debates – A Short Bus trip to the travelling Carnival set up in a WalMart parking lot OR Angry Drunks in Suits go for Coffee in Bumper Cars and take Somebody’s Wife with Them

1

DONALD TRUMP LOOKS ON IN DISGUST AS JEB BUSH LIES ABOUT THE SIZE OF HIS PENIS

2

DONALD TRUMP, JEB BUSH, AND GOVERNOR SCOTT WALKER FIGURE OUT WHO LEFT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN IN THE GREEN ROOM, WHILE GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH TRIES TO REMEMBER WHERE HE PARKED 

3

CARLY FLORINA APOLOGIZES. EXPLAINS TO THE DIAS THAT WOMEN SIT DOWN TO DO NUMBER ONE AS WELL AS NUMBER TWO

4

DONALD TRUMP TELLS CARLY FLORINA THAT HE KNOWS FOR A FACT WOMEN DON’T SIT DOWN TO DO NUMBER ONE AS JEB BUSH STATES HIS BROTHER GEORGE IS SURE THAT WOMEN ONLY PUT THE SEAT DOWN TO GO NUMBER TWO AND NUMBER FIVE

5

AFTER DONALD TRUMP CALLS JEB BUSH AN IDIOT FOR INTRODUCING RARE AFRICAN AMERICAN BORG BEN CARTER AS UNCLE BEN VEREEN, WHO PLAYED LANDO CALRISSIAN IN THE STAR WARS MOVIE ‘A NEW POPE’, TRUMP RE-INTRODUCES HIM AS LEGENDARY SPORTSBALL PLAYER, WILLIE MAYS

Volunteer workers move into a bird sanctuary and ask to be paid in Yoo Hoo, Beer, Doritos, and Tootsie Rolls. A nation freaks out and they are headline news.

Why?

Ignore them…unless they cause one of the Sanctuaried birds to die, in which case, prison, because killing a protected animal is a Federal offense. Just send in a lot of birdseed and let them stay out of jail by making sure the little birdies are safe and comfy. Eventually they will either go home or reposition themselves as a branch of The National Audubon Society.

looneytunes4.1

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Canada

Everything is pretty “cool” here (get it) in the world’s bestest place, but yes…we have our share of Idiots and Assholes, but fewer than most countries (No offense, Chad, Switzerland, and Norway) and they are mostly just good people drinking the wrong Kool Aid. You should, however, take another look at your Hydro bill if you live in Ontario, because it looks like 2015 went by without anyone who worked at Hydro knew how to add or subtract or, you know, add up your bill, so they just made stuff up because, golly…math is hard!

hydro

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FRIDAY! – Entertainment, Sportsball, and More, as we continue with Part 2 of 2015: Look Back in Burqas (or Niqabs…It’s a free country!)

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Segarini’s column appears whenever he’s needed

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

dbawis-button7Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Tilda January 2015Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record

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