Bob explains The Cheeto-Stained Ferret-Wearing Shitgibbon and the Hordes of Darkness
The Shitgibbon is not The problem. The Hordes of Darkness are The Problem.
It just took them this long to find someone as incompetent, ill-informed, addle-brained, self absorbed, graceless, clueless, and morally corrupt as they are, who is willing to lead them in their war against common sense, reason, tolerance, progress, and humanity.
…and by “lead”, I mean “used” to further the insanity the Hordes of Darkness have embraced.
If only Orkin had a spray for these pests….
HOD (The Hordes of Darkness)…like everything else these days, now have a designation that is easier to type, and confusing when used in a sentence like;”The HOD want the POTUS (President of the United States) to be a FIA (Fucking Insane Asshole) like the majority of their highly inefficient MBSCAG (Mouth Breathing Senators, Congressmen, and Governors) to act against the SNWAIWADFUATOTLBTRAIOBOH (Scary Non-Whites and Immigrants who are Different From Us According to Our Tiny Little Brains that Rattle Around in our Big Oversized Heads”. And that’s just the DOMESTIC problem the HoD wants their FIA to address.
The HOD have tried this before, of course, starting with Nixon (who wasn’t a bad President, just a HPP (Horrible Paranoid Person), Ronald Reagan (who took credit for other’s work, but was just too senile and unaware to do anything other than memorize his lines and not bump into the furniture), Bush Sr. (The Man who essentially created our enemies when in the CIA (Saddam and Osama Bin Workin’ on de Railroad) and did manage a feeble attempt to start World War IIb while President, but was far too dull and well spoken (lies…but well spoken…’read my lips’) to engage and rally the HOD, and finally, Bush Jr., the PERFECT leader of the HOD, but so tragically, completely, totally and irrevocably stupid, that he could have easily joined the 3 Stooges had he been alive during their tenure. He came closest to being capable of leading the HOD to the promised land of war, an all-white country, and (for those of them who can hardly wait), Armageddon, the Rapture, and a harp and palatial cloud palace in a much better neighbourhood than the hovels that come with two goats, unlimited wine, and 77 virgins located in the wrong part of heaven. Unfortunately for HOD, his uncanny ability to be easy to ignore meant he couldn’t froth at the mouth and get the HOD any traction with TMZ or People Magazine.
The Shitgibbon is the HOD Messiah.
…and we need to take the mother fucker down.
Know thy Shitgibbon….
He lies. Constantly.
He changes positions on the issues more often than boyfriends dump Adele.
He says nothing, just like Kanye, but has better taste in hired wives.
He is unaware he looks like a pumpkin on a slightly overweight scarecrow.
His hair may be a Symbiotic Alien controlling his ‘brain’.
He lusts after his daughter and isn’t afraid to show it.
He knows nothing of how the system works, and couldn’t take it down any more than he could take down the Christmas Tree, or take out the garbage.
He has failed at more business ventures than almost anyone, and survived because he preys on those who have “more money than brains”, and those who have nothing at all.
His track record speaks for itself…but The HOD either can’t read or dismiss the facts by calling them lies. In his hands, Hope is just Bob’s last name.
Know thy HOD….
They have the complete confidence only delusional people are capable of.
They blame others for everything they consider wrong because they know nothing of the history of the wrong-doing.
They weaponize everything.
They embrace intolerance, hate, racism, bigotry, bullying, and convenient, reassuring, lies.
They loathe intelligence, education, authority, credible information, women, common sense, and compromise.
They worship money and the material things it buys.
They have amongst their ranks self-loathing closeted gays, unscrupulous businessmen, beaten down wives and children taught to hate, bitter, disenfranchised ex-middleclass victims of previous HODers, and those who are just simply angry and feel helpless.
They resort to schoolyard bullying and name calling whenever they are confronted with the truth.
Many of them are good at barbecuing, but use inferior cuts of meat because they don’t know anything about the cow or pig or chicken.
Learning to Ignore the Social Media Truthers….
There’s not much to learning how to do this, just a few easy-to-remember tips.
Most of the outrageous quotes and actions attributed to politicians and celebrities are not true. Simply checking multiple sources or having a look at the site that posted it, will let you know what is real and what isn’t.
Both political parties in the US are capable of manufacturing this bullshit to make their points. The facts are available to everyone who knows how to use Google. Those who refuse to refute anything that justifies their personal opinions are the biggest problem. They spread the bullshit everywhere, hoping to persuade the enemy to embrace the lies. It doesn’t. It just makes them look as dumb as they are to those who DO do the research.
When you see Opponent bashing that concludes, “I’m going to vote Shitgibbon”, you are looking at someone trying to get you to vote for the Shitgibbon. They are either an undercover HOD member, or just an angry, bitter hater. Ignore them in either case. Using Mr. Rainbow and Unicorns defeat (a fine man and will have his chance to implement his ideas when the Opponent is elected) to get all vengeful is just as stupid as actually supporting the Shitgibbon.
Remember that quotes taken out of context can actually reverse the intended meaning. This happens a lot.
Just because something supports your own opinion, doesn’t mean you’re right. Do your homework…or just stop thinking that ANY belief expressed on Social Media sites is going to affect the outcome of an election. It will not. The Law of Averages will prove some right, and others wrong…but that is just the luck of the draw…no one on social media has the power to accurately predict the future…we can only guess.
The Republican National Convention
Ozzy not only predicted the future, he says more in under 5 minutes than the HOD and the Shitgibbon said in a week…or ever, for that matter.
If only the RNC would have opened like this….
The only thing missing from last night’s Shitgibbon Acceptence Speech….
Obama has reminded us of Greatness. If Obama and the Great Leaders of the past were ‘Radio’, then the Shitgibbon is this….
One good thing could come out of Chaos….
If the HOD become impatient and start their (un)civil war before November, the Emergency Act would kick in and we would get at least one more term of President Obama.
I can dream, can’t I?
Segarini’s regular columns appear here whenever there is a great disturbance in the Force
Contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.