Pat Blythe – Give Me One More Time….

 

 

Yesterday (Monday) was a “Chris Day”. A day when his death hits me like a ton of bricks. All the memories come rushing back and the gut-wrenching anguish just takes over and I can barely breathe. The emotion rolls over me like a tidal wave, literally bringing me to my knees. It’s unexpected and absolute. I’m ironing one minute and on the floor the next. I had been listening to a new song by Julian Taylor called “One Time”. The lyric running inside my head….”give me one (more) time to feel your light”….and that was the proverbial piece of straw.

I glance over at Chris’s “spot” on the couch and the harsh realization screams in my head once more…. I literally crumbled. There will be no more ‘one more time’. I’ve learned, when “Chris Day” hits, I simply succumb, and it’s almost always triggered by music. It touches us all unexpectedly, in places we didn’t know existed. I’m dancing one moment and sobbing uncontrollably the next. It’s like being manic depressive except I’m not planning to run through a train laughing hysterically while ripping my clothes off (like one famous movie star did). THAT is NOT going to happen.

My world changed inexorably on October 1, 2013 @ 4:55pm. Truth be told, one more time would be about perfect but, as another song goes, all the money in the world won’t buy another minute. But Chris is, most assuredly, by my side….always.

Dust In The Wind – Kansas

I’m a highly emotional (NOT high strung) and energetic (stop snickering) individual. But in grief, I am a very private person and if I have my druthers, it is not something I care to display in public. ….and quite frankly, I don’t wear waterproof mascara. Racoon eyes are not attractive for public consumption….except on racoons. In fact, baby racoon eyes are super cute….

…..baby pandas too

and these eyes…..

Chris at two years

I’m one to move forward, a bit pragmatic, sometimes with that stiff upper lip, simply because I need to push forward, to be constantly in motion. It’s like you’re standing in front of a huge buffet and you feel this incredible desire to taste everything. It’s not in me to curl up in a ball and disappear, certainly not for any length of time. For some, inertia sets in. But “scattered” is my middle name. Apparently “they” say when one loses a spouse your brain goes into overdrive because suddenly you’re dealing with stuff you’ve never dealt with before. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to describe it. Not only do you have all the emotional shit to deal with but there’s the day-to-day living stuff, and you end up with the attention span of a gnat and a very dusty house. Remember the movie Up, well “squirrel” is my mantra. Take at look at the trailer at 1:21. I’m now wondering exactly how long a gnat’s attention span really is……? “Ooooo…look, there’s a shiny thing over there…..”

Up Official Movie Trailer #3

Almost three years on and the transformation continues as I dive back into the world I love, the world of music. Much has been written about the grieving process but in every article the same two points tend to stand out….there is no ‘right’ way to grieve, and the process and emotions are vastly different for everyone. There’s no single rule book or manual to guide you. We do what we do to get through it. The loss of a spouse is different from the lost of a child or parent or sibling or friend. These people have all had different “meanings” in your life and believe it or not, we grieve differently for each loss. I deal with the loss of Chris by accepting, and submitting to, the cathartic release of “Chris Days” as well as living, laughing, and enjoying the memories we made together….but most importantly….doing what I’m passionate about. I was fortunate, I had the gift of 34 years with Chris. Perfect life? No. But we were a very tight team. We filled each other’s gaps. We were each other’s half in so many ways. We loved and respected each other. Now I use his camera gear and carry his photographer’s ID badge with me wherever I go. It is my good luck charm and my comfort when I’m shooting. I can only hope he is behind me, egging me on at every step like he use to. He was my biggest critic and my biggest supporter. His mantra, “Be Here Now”, and I wear it around my neck, stamped in silver, every day. ….and I am happy, very and truly happy. But, every once-in-a-while, when you least expect it….

Christopher Blythe captured by his niece Stephanie (Blythe) Holt.

This was Chris’s favourite Sunday morning music. He couldn’t dance a lick but I can still see him undulating around the apartment in time, clapping his hands, a big smile on his face and completely immersing himself in the music.

Rise – Herb Alpert

….and this is my new theme song….

Take On The World – Dirty Loops

I would like to say this…. To EVERYONE who is a part of my “new” life and those who have been friends for many years. You are all my inspiration and my life’s breath. YOU give me the energy that I’m so often teased about. It doesn’t come from me, it comes from ALL of you along with the joy and passion of doing what we love with those we love. ….and especially from my beautiful sons who are far more realistic and practical than I am and have to deal with “the crazy lady” from time to time.

The people and the music, the clubs and bars, festivals, parties and soirees, concerts and conversations, laughter, re-connections and new friendships forged,  new business ventures, learning and loving….where this path takes me I have no idea but I have my hiking boots on and am ready for the journey.

**”The intuition of knowing,

Is knowing,

Is knowing which way you should go”

Cheers!

*One Time is written by Julian Taylor, Bill Bell and John Parente

**Take Me (Stay) is written by Julian Taylor, Bill Bell, John Parente and Robert Priest

Thank you Julian Taylor for allowing me to use the as yet, unreleased lyrics, not only in the body of the column but as the title. Folks, the new album Desert Star is awesome! Official release date is October 7, 2016. 

=PB=

Pat’s column appears every Wednesday.

Contact us at: dbawis@rogers.com

In “real” life Pat Blythe has spent the past 32 years as a consultant and design specialist in the telecommunications industry. After an extended absence Pat is now heading back to the GTA clubs, immersing herself in the local music scene, tasting what’s on offer, talking to people and writing once again — sharing her passions and her deep love of music. Together for 34 years, Pat also workedalongside her late husband Christopher Blythe, The PictureTaker©, who shot much  of the local talent (think Goddo, Frank Soda and the Imps, Plateau, Buzzsaw, Hellfield….) as well as national and international acts,  Currently making her way through 40 years of Chris’s archives, Pat is currently compiling a photographic history of the local GTA music scene from 1975 to 1985. It continues to be a work in progress. Oh…..and she LOVES to dance!