Roxanne Tellier – The Fun Never Ends!


Well, actually … ‘fun’ would not be how I would describe the last two weeks. Incomprehensible, horrific, blacker than the blackest black humour .. yeah, that’s more like it. Maybe what I meant to say was, “When does the fun begin?”

When we last left our plucky heroine, she was picking over the broken pieces of her shattered life, accompanied by her furry companions, who were cowering under the bed.

The incompetencies of telecom companies had yet to be fully resolved, (I mean .. who leaves a message on a disconnected line saying that they’re delayed ON THE WAY TO CONNECTING THE DISCONNECTED LINE? ) and still remain in flux. My internet is running at the speed of 1/2 a Mbps, just like it did in the 90s in my BBS days.


” According to Ookla, a global broadband testing firm, as of today, Canada’™s average household download speed is about 30 Mbps, with an upload speed of about 8 Mbps.”

It’s deja vu all over again.

Just to punctuate the long days of being housebound from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., I developed a serious health problem that required emergency intervention. It’s been a while since I had to use a hospital Emergency ward; I will try not to do that again in this lifetime.

Suffice it to say that the ‘average’ wait times of 6 1/2 hours (!!!) got extended in my case to 8 1/2 hours, as the staff first lost my file, and then lost me, abandoned in a curtained alcove that the doctor could not find.

nurse-jackie-docJust as I readied to rip the IV line out of my hand and fade into the night,  a young doctor breezed into the examining alcove, and finally took action, as he wisecracked ala Nurse Jackie. Of course, the tests they needed to run would have to be done the following day, but at least I was finally semi-diagnosed, given a shot to prevent my dying in the night, and sent home for food and drink. Not a moment too soon.

The next day it was ultra sounds, IVs and injections before noon, with admonishments to REST and relax, which I took as license to indulge in an expensive, three hour, hair appointment in the afternoon.  Almost fell asleep as the stylist took my head in her hands .. ah, it was bliss! Came to with a head full of ringlets, which lasted until I got to the corner of the street – you can’t fool stick straight hair; it will always have it’s way.

Then it was home to get ready for the Indie Week VIP Launch party. Pat Blythe – the Betty to my Veronica (and boy did I look like Veronica with the new bangs and coal black hair!) – picked me up at 6:30, and off we sped into the congested rush hour traffic. We vied for the title of  ‘Best Description of How Horrible Our Lives Are Right Now as Told By a Writer” as she drove ‘Fast and Furious’ through the busy streets. (She’s got a bad cold, a broken fridge, and much tsuris. She can tell you about it herself; this is my whine.)

Finally at The Burroughs, I used my first drink ticket to grab a cold one, a frosty 100th Meridian draft, courtesy of Mill Street, and found DJ and personality David Marsden holding up a wall in the next room, along with business partner Igor Loukine, of  David’s always fun to chat with – and he knows where all the bodies are buried – so we yakked and drank while Pat snapped photos of the milling crowds.

She did take a few pics of David, Igor and myself, but I haven’t seen them yet. I did warn David that we all needed to live up to my freshly done ‘do. I’m sure we did.

Saw fellow columnist Cam Carpenter chatting with a few local luminaries, including TPOH‘s Moe Berg, and Phil X, who replaced Richie Samboro on lead guitar in Bon Jovi in 2013. Phil was set to present a guitar clinic on the first day of IndieWeek, and would also be sitting in on some of the panels.

But between Pat’s cold, and my exhaustion from the hospital caper, we didn’t stay long, calling it a night by 10 p.m.

The next day was another fun-filled wait-a-thon for an internet technician who never did appear. I finally connected all the gear myself, and the connection was set at their dispatch headquarters.

(Home of the 1/2 Mbps speed.)

And then it was off to The Paddock, to judge some of the acts performing at the venue. I’ve done this for years, and generally enjoy the experience, but wasn’t feeling up to much excitement by that point.  Best of luck in the finals to the four performers I did experience, Adam Tobias, Command Sisters, Jenna Glatt, and Katie Who. indie-week-2016

I’d already decided that I would have to bow out of judging on Thursday, as that day as well was all about appointments. But I did manage to squeeze in a few hours in Kensington Market, and lunch with Barbette Kensington at the wonderful new Pow Wow Cafe. Delish! My lunch kept me full for the next 24 hours. Chef Shawn Adler is wowing Torontonians with his Ojibway-style tacos and brunch dishes at affordable prices. Highly recommended for those who like yummy, healthy food cooked with style and flair.


Unfortunately, my throat was beginning to feel like I’d gargled razor blades, and sure enough, by Friday morning I was sniffling, snorting, and sneezing like a sick polar bear. And sounding like one as well. Or maybe a bull (winkle) moose in distress. Just call me “Rocky.”

Since I wasn’t going anywhere anyway, I finally got down to looking up the after-effects of the Election That Would Never Die or If It Did, Would Take You Into Hell With It.  Oh my. I’m so sorry, America. You really are in for a disastrous four years. Or however long Trump decides to stay as President. Who knows? He may well toss it all in after a few months, bored with the gig. Though, that would then leave America in the hands of Mike Pence, aka ‘The Guy That Will Keep Trump From Being Impeached.”

I won’t lie, America .. you really are screwed. Even if Trump is somehow deposed before hitting the throne in January, you’ll have Mike Pence – aka the guy who said, as part of his political platform, ” I’m pro-life and I don’t apologize for it. We’ll see Roe vs. Wade consigned to the ash heap of history where it belongs,” and who passed a bill requiring “aborted or miscarried fetuses be buried or cremated.” And that’s just for starters.


However, his insanity was swiftly over-ruled when U.S. District Judge Tanya Walton Pratt suspended  the law a day before it was slated to take effect, after the bill it was challenged in court by the American Civil Liberties Union and Planned Parenthood of Indiana.

Yeah. That guy. Your next Vice-President. Or, as the Huffington Post put it … “Mike Pence looks like a guy who watched too many episodes of “Mary Tyler Moore” as a kid and came away imprinted by the character of Ted Baxter, the pompous and self-deluded silver-haired newsman, whose perpetual cluelessness amused millions of TV watchers across the country. Little Mike appears to have seen Ted’s uninformed close-mindedness as a virtue and grew up to become an unapologetic evangelical social conservative who sees the last 40 years of progress on abortion, gay rights, civil rights, criminal justice reform and race relations as a disaster for the country.”

Lawdy, you guys are in trouble. Trump’s bad, bad, bad for America. And Pence is worse. What a double bill.


The half of you that didn’t vote for this aberration now find yourself the de facto ‘resistance,’ just like the sane European denizens of the Holocaust years. I don’t envy you.

Here’s how to join in the fun:

To which I’d add … “Get involved with and contribute to ACLU, Planned Parenthood, the Sierra Club as well as other socially aware and ethical organizations. Start locally. Demand that News organizations go back to producing fact checked, relevant news. For those who insist on producing inflammatory garbage, boycott their advertisers. The media conglomerates are bottom line focused. You stop buying; they’ll start listening.”

And get yourself a very good data encryption program. You’re gonna need it.

Reading up on what Trump’s said and done so far, his appointments, and the general, hysterical tone of social media – half of which is panic-stricken, and the other half which seem to be gloating over the win and indulging in ever more heinous racism, certainly isn’t good for one’s health.

Speaking of health .. time for some aspirin and NeoCitran (tm) and a nap. The world’s gonna have to turn without me for a while.

But for those of you who might read this in time, tonight is the Indie Week Finals and Awards at the Mod Club, followed by the Bovine Sex Club After Party. Best of luck to all the finalists!

Cheer them on, and have a cold one in my name!


Roxanne’s column appears here every Sunday 

Contact us at

dbawis-button7Roxanne Tellier has been singing since she was 10 months old … no, really. Not like she’s telling anyone else how to live their lives, because she’s not judgmental, and most 10 month olds need a little more time to figure out how to hold a microphone. She has also been a vocalist with many acts, including Tangents, Lady, Performer, Mambo Jimi, and Delta Tango. In 2013 she co-hosted Bob Segarini’s podcast, The Bobcast, and, along with Bobert, will continue to seek out and destroy the people who cancelled ‘Bunheads’. 

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