Segarini: Did Facebook Make a Fool Out of You Today?

A Message from Bob – Some of this is from a column originally posted in December of 2015. I am still under the gun trying to keep a roof over my head and a burger in my stomach, and will return to normal soon. In the meantime, I do what I can.

If one were to get their news solely from Facebook, you would think the world is just a great big ball of Idiots, Assholes, Whiners, Political Analysts, Finger Pointers, and Needy boys and girls who insist you leave at least one word on their Timeline to acknowledge their existence. Really? Let me reassure you. Either buy a mirror and look in it, (There you are!), or don’t pay your Hydro Bill. As soon as you are sitting in the dark freezing to death, you will be assured that you exist.

=0=

“Just click here for Instant Cash!”

The Truth

Oh, it’s somewhere on the Internet all right, but you need a weed-whacker, a machete, a gallon of sodium pentothal, Google, and patience, to find it.

“Make $1200 an hour from home finding Missing Socks for Shut-Ins!”

Do NOT take anything you read on Facebook or anywhere else on the Intertoobs at face value. 9 times out of 10 you will be misdirected, misinformed, tricked, bamboozled, lied to, or just made to look foolish if you repost what you have read. Even if it says it is from CNN or NBC, or The New York Times, or The American Institute of Cancer Research and Fast Food Recipes You Can Make At Home, chances are good that even after 6 months of rubbing a kitten covered in Olive Oil on your face every night before you go to bed, your complexion will still look like the surface of the moon.

If you see a post announcing that President Lincoln is dead, click on the link and check the date. It should tell you that yes, he is dead, but he died in the 1860s, and not at his home in Pasadena on Tuesday night.

There aren’t ’10 Sure-fire Pick Up Lines to Get Scarlett Johansson to Fall in Love With You’. or ‘8 Ways to Get Your Boss’s Job’. In fact, your Boss is probably out with Scarlet Johansson.

The Onion is just one of many satirical and parody sites whose links turn up regularly on Facebook. Rest assured that if you read a headline that states “Fornicating Aliens Populate Small Town in Idaho”, or “Donald Trump Revealed to be a Wheel of Cheddar Cheese”  that the link will take you to one of those sites…that is, if you bother to click on the link.

“New York Times Uncovers the Truth! Monsanto Growing Sentient Carrot Soldiers to Topple Government!

When you see a picture of a scantily clad 20-something posing sexily in lingerie with a headline that reads, “You Won’t Believe What She Does Next!” Chances are good that the link will take you to 15 pictures of her putting on a pair of Jeans and a Beyonce T Shirt, and getting into an argument with her mother about going to the store to buy a box of Hamburger Helper and a quart of 2% milk.

That graph showing the spread of radioactivity across the Pacific Ocean headed for California is actually a computer readout of the heat being generated by the engine of a 2003 Honda Civic after driving from Fort Wayne, Indiana, to Akron, Ohio.

“Sarah Palin Dating Her Own Daughter!” 

“Obama Has Secret Underground Mosque in Sub-Basement of White House”, “Republican Fundraising Dinner Serves Broiled Puppy and Kitten Infused Potatoes”, “Monsanto Readies Sterilizing Frankencorn for Assault on Liberals”, “Glenn Close, Renee Russo, Lady GaGa, and Meryl Streep Outed as Men by Undercover CIA Drag Queen RuPaul”, and “Hitler, Elvis, Jimi, and Michael Jackson Revealed to be Owners of the Chic-fil-A Franchise in Atlanta Georgia”, are probably headlines that aren’t true. Maybe. Most likely. Probably. I’m pretty sure. Almost positive. Yeah…probably not true.

Rolling Stone reports – “You Have NOT Seen All the Great Bands!”

Jimmy Page is NOT a guitar God. He is a popular mainstream rock guitarist who was in a famous band or two.

There are no Movie Stars named Ryan, Colin, or Adam. The only existing Movie Stars are named Chris, George, and Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

If you love your Mother, Father, Children, Grandkids, Friends, God, Jesus, A Musician, or a Celebrity, tell them, not us. We don’t care…at least, Facebook says we don’t care about anything except whatever catches our attention that day, an hour ago, or you know…just a minute ago.

All death is bad…but dying after 95 is an accomplishment.

That picture of 100,000 people in the street that the mainstream media didn’t print wasn’t taken yesterday at the Rally for Louder Alarm Clocks…it was taken 4 years ago at the March Against Clear Plastic Salad Tongs.

=0=

A Few Things That Might be True! 

Guns and Shooting People: America has an Idiot and Asshole problem…and it’s not going to stop until we quit blaming their current weapon of choice and stop and then eradicate them with available technology and some applied research. The problem ain’t the guns, kids.

ISIS or Whatever You Want to Call Them: They are  a gang. Not a country, not a religion, not a movement. They are the Westboro Church and the KKK, and the Republicans with guns. They need to be hunted down and dealt with. Bombing the shit out of the places where some of them may live will only make this worse.

Things We Can Actually DO to Make Life Better: Don’t join a club that wants to create chaos and do harm to others. …and don’t shoot anybody.

Opinions: By all means have one. By all means, allow everyone else to have one. If your opinion is threatened by someone else’s opinion, then rethink it. Why would someone else’s opinion have any effect on what you believe. That said…make sure you can show WHY you have your opinion with facts, research, and information from reliable sources. Otherwise, you are inviting many questions you will be unable to answer…and end up looking like this.

Being Reasonable: If all you can do when you disagree with someone is call them a cocksucker, you are reducing the chance of ever being taken seriously. Discourse and dialogue are much better than yelling and epithets.

=0=

An important figure from the Punk and New Wave era who helped put Toronto on the map back in the ’70s along with New York and London, needs our help.

A Fundraiser for Viletones/Secrets mainman guitarist, singer, and writer, Freddy Pompeii takes place this Sunday, February 5th from 4 to 7 at The Garrison. Performances by an all-star cast of artists who were part of the movement, and a great time is guaranteed. Details here. Be there or be square.

The tentative date for the Celebration of Dave Bailey’s Life is Sunday May 14th with The Carpet Frogs performing as well as being the houseband for solo artist guests. More performers to be announced, as well as the venue and time. Stay tuned.

=0=

Your Comments are Welcome. Please scroll down and let us know what you think

Segarini’s regular column appears here due to lost bar bets and Magic 8 Ball predictions

Bob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.