Peter and the Story of Lois – Part 2

It seemed like it took a week to do so, but the email finally loaded 😉.

Subject : Tova Feldschuh

Message: I miss you. Could we meet for coffee?

I immediately agreed. More lighthearted than I had felt in months, I very carefully thought about what this meant. Lois had emailed me completely out of the blue. My reaction could have been anything ranging from icy indifference to white hot anger, if I had even bothered to reply. Yet she obviously felt that we, and by extrapolation, me, were worth the effort. I decided, for the sake of my future with Lois, to form a strategy to make a clean break with my wife of the time.

HER behaviour was becoming more erratic by the day. She began to call the police about me on specious grounds every so often. Sadly, these frequent calls only reflected on her, as every time the police came, they couldn’t help but contrast her agitated state and wild accusations with my calm demeanour. After some discussion and careful observation on their part, they would leave.

I followed my strategy. I would stay calm, not lose my grip, be in command of myself. I decided that I wouldn’t get angry or raise my voice or my hand no matter what, and I never did.

So I kept my cool when she made repeated hang up calls to me at work. (I had call display.) So I kept my cool when she invited strangers to stay in our home, although one eyebrow WAS raised when one of them knocked on my door at 2200 hours (10 P.M.) saying that she had told him that I would give him a beer. (I didn’t). So I even kept my cool when, on two occasions, she let people fraudulently use our home address to attempt to apply for welfare. The first time I became aware of this, I told her the disastrous impact that this action could have on my job and told her not to do it again, although she did. In both cases I returned the letters to sender (“Never at this address!!!”) and the second time I phoned Social Services to explain the situation in detail. I shudder to think what would have happened if she had checked the mailbox before I got home.

Her total disregard for our financial health or my career or anything else that mattered to me eased my decision. I told her that she was free to do what she wanted. I would continue to pay the mortgage so that we each had money to start fresh once the house sold.

Finally I was in the right frame of mind to rebuild my relationship with Lois. Someone much wiser than I once said “You never truly know love until you are forgiven.” Now I do, and I was. We resumed enjoying each other’s company. The house sold, I boarded Reg for 6 weeks. My “new” apartment in Toronto was furnished via IKEA and I bought a big screen TV and a home entertainment system with tower speakers. Lois stayed a few times, I remember cooking breakfast for her once while singing along to “Chattanooga Choo-Choo”, with the smoke alarm valiantly attempting to drown out my singing, (I think). One day she began to complain about how much cat hair there was in the apartment. Reg was sunning himself in the window, but swivelled and stuck his head through the vertical blinds glaring straight at Lois. I interrupted her tirade to whisper that she should turn her head slowly. Her eyes were met by the malevolent gaze of my unimpressed cat. He probably thought it best to intervene before I said or did something stupid.

I got welcomed back into her family, and took her to Windsor to meet my aunt and cousins in 2013, when we had a reunion. We had a great time, and they loved Lois! My cousin Teresa was especially pleased to meet her. We have made several return trips, and it’s always a lot of fun when aunt Louise and/or the cousins are in the same room as Lois and I! (This is the gang who singlehandedly nearly doubled Lois’ Facebook Friends!)

She has also met a number of my friends at Cherry Cola’s. When she first met David Rourke, he said “Lois, we were beginning to think that you didn’t exist!” She said “Well, maybe Peter just rented me for the night.” I knew then that she would fit right in. Marlene Schuler won my eternal gratitude when she said “Hi Lois! Peter’s always talking about you.” At least one of my friends told her that they thought her name was “MyDearLois”. She is very supportive of my indie music adventures. You know you have the right person when you tell them that you are going to the “Bovine Sex Club” and they just tell you to have a good time! She sings along with the indie CDs which I have given her. We have also gone to see Boz Scaggs, Billy Joel, Chicago and earth wind and fire.

I have been there to comfort her, as she has been for me. We have also dealt with two health scares since January 2016. She had a heart attack, fortunately we were at St Michael’s Hospital when that occurred. She was hospitalized for a couple of days and I was able to sneak in Tim Horton’s for her. She also needed a hysterectomy in May 2016, I was there for the operation and accompanied her to all her radiation therapy sessions.

Lois has a new cat, a Himalayan named CoCo, and I’m glad, as she now has a constant companion. She is also making friends in her apartment building, which is great.

We both realize what we almost lost, and appreciate this second chance. Adjustments have to be, and are, made. When we go to the CNE, I push her in a wheelchair. If we walk somewhere, we stop frequently to sit down and rest. We just enjoy being together, whether we’re out to dinner or sitting on her balcony. Any successful relationship takes work, and I’m happy to do so in this case.

See you soon.

Update : Congratulations to Brigadier General Kristin Goodwin. Wishing you lots of success in the future.

Author’s note: Paragraphs 2 to 5 may sound harsh. However, they are not “based on real events”, they were real events. They show how my home situation became untenable and more importantly, that continuing to hold on to the anger and frustration which arose from this impasse could not only lead to further trouble, but would impact my relationship with Lois, again. There are very few easy fixes in Life, but I figure that if even one person reads this and realizes that forming, initiating and sticking to a plan to focus on what is best for them will help them to achieve happiness, then that’s great. I know that I am much happier now than I was 6 years ago.

Next column will be on “Indie Week”, and I will reference an ABBA song, so check your heating pads and put your chiropractor on SpeedDial.

=PJM=

A confirmed Cat person, Peter dabbled with being a water boy, a paper boy and an altar boy before finally settling on a career with the Canadian federal government.  Once, in his youth, he ate a Dutch  oven full of mashed potatoes to win a 5 cent bet with his beloved sister Mary’s boyfriend. (Of course he was much younger and a nickel went a lot farther!) He has retired to palatial “Chez Montreuil”, which he shares with his diabetic little buddy Reg the Cat. He is blessed to have his dear Lois in his life. He is not only a plastic aircraft modeller, but a proud “rivet counter”. Military aviation and live music are among other interests of his, and he tries to get out to as many shows as he can. He will be here for your enlightenment whenever the stars align. Profile photo courtesy of Pat Blythe, caricature courtesy of Peter Mossman.