Segarini – Alphabet Soup Three – The Food Edition Part 1 – Eating Food Will Prolong Your Life

Alphabet Soup One and Two can be found HERE

Maybe it isn’t news to you, but I am speaking to the millions, nay…BILLIONS of people who may not be aware of this simple life hack that will allow you to live a longer, more productive, and BETTER life.

I am, of course, referring to eating FOOD whenever you get the chance. Just look at these startling statistics….

Startling Statistics to Look At!

Eating food is more nourishing, filling, healthier, and smarter than any of the following….

92% better than Voting Republican or Conservative

114% healthier than Shooting People

60% more fulfilling than Starting an argument on Face Book

87% more satisfying than Taking up 2 parking spaces with your fucking SUV

100% more satisfying and nourishing than Thoughts and Prayers

…and 212% more yummy than Trying to convince anyone that One Kardashian is sexier than Another Kardashian, when in fact, they are all only sexier than Richard Simmons, J. Jonah Jameson, and Gluten Free, Meat Free, Kale and Mung Bean Veggie Burgers on 23 Grain Whole Rice Cake Buns with a small side order of Your Tears.


Food: Why Would Anyone Want to Shoot School Kids?

This bullshit has got to stop. Seriously, needs to just stop happening. Enough. Fini. End this shit. Quit whining and arguing about it, just fucking STOP IT!

Go pound down a ribsteak or the red meat of your choice. Blue to Medium Rare, otherwise, if you overcook it to say, ‘well done’ it isn’t red meat any more…it’s crap. You turned wonderful juicy, protein crammed, delicious red meat into soulless, wimpy, dried out shoe-leather crap.

I hate you.

Go away.


Okay. Are they gone?

Fucking Murderers of Meat. I hope they choke on a chick pea.

All right, now that you’ve had some MEAT, maybe you can get tough and stop these birdbrains from killing innocent people.

In order to do that, some changes have to be made. Changes that appear to be at the Government level and resting on the shoulders of the representatives chosen by the public to address the needs of the citizens and work to make life better for everyone in their jurisdiction.

Hmmm…I see a disconnect here.

SOME of these elected officials seem to be doing the exact opposite in the name of their constituents…they appear to be INSURING the shooting of innocent people can and will CONTINUE!

How can that be?

Let me check the facts…brb.


Well, THIS is not good news at all…


Sorry I was gone so long…had to find something…err…hold on a sec…brb

Okay…found it….

Here…get a load of this!

List of US politicians who receive millions from National Rifle Association

Bloody disgusting, in’it…and that is just the TIP of the Iceberg.

And how embarrassing! That one article is from England. Can you imagine how stupid America looks to everyone around the world right now?

Really, really, stupid.

‘Oh my God’, they must be thinking, ‘No wonder nothing is being done’, they say, ‘the very people who can change the laws and stop the insanity’, now they are probably laughing out loud, ‘are being paid and bribed not to do anything, all the while being trusted by those who elected them!’

Poor America looks sooo stupid!

They need some Ice Cream!

Food to the rescue….

On second thought, Comfort food might work to make the people who voted badly feel better about themselves, but it won’t FIX anything.

Hmmm…this is certainly puzzling.

The solution is to keep guns out of the hands of insane people and eliminate the opportunities to harm others with guns by limiting or ending access to weapons from hand guns to automatic rifles.

Ultimately, America needs to replace its NRA owned representatives with men and women with a moral core, or make funding from special interest groups illegal.

That will take some time.

In the meantime, here’s a suggestion….

Buy Back Hand Guns, Shot Guns and Rifles

This has worked before and can work some more. Consult your local Police Department and organize a crowd funding page to get the money to proceed.

Make it Illegal to keep an Automatic Weapon in your home, place of business, or vehicle inside city/town/county limits

Until Automatic Weapons are banned, local governments can pass laws that Washington cannot control.

City Councils, PDs, State and County officials could put this codicil on the table….

If your Governor or state government is mainly Republican or Insane, chances are good enough of you can convince your LOCAL government to act in your best interests.

Make  Automatic Weapons liable to confiscation if they are being kept in a private home, place of business, or vehicle. If you own one, it must be kept either in a city/town storage facility under lock and key and only checked out in person and after forms have been filled out and hunting licenses shown along with a permit to use an automatic weapon, or in a vault at either the point of purchase or Police Station nearest the owner.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Anyone else hungry? …I’m starving….


MONDAY – Segarini – Alphabet Soup Three – The Food Edition Part  2 – The actual Alphabet Food Edition featuring Food…and the Alphabet.


Segarini’s regular columns appear here whenever a mailman bites a dog

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dbawis-button7giphyBob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.

One Response to “Segarini – Alphabet Soup Three – The Food Edition Part 1 – Eating Food Will Prolong Your Life”

  1. Peter Montreuil Says:


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