Bob Goes to the 2019 Grammys

Sports, Politics, and Award Shows should have their own channels for viewers who like those sorts of things.

Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, and Family Guy , shows I actually enjoy, are all too often tied to a chair in Televisions’ basement with the promise of strippers and an open bar, so these intrusions can be put on display and the networks can charge more for their commercial time.

I’m all for commerce, but when the shows I PAY to see get disappeared like a Nicaraguan Missionary, I have to draw the line.

It’s the 21st Century. Create digital channels for “Specials” like NBC did for the Olympics at one time, and charge the Lookie-Loos …not us plain old TV viewers.

Before we venture forth onto the Grammys Red Carpet, here’s some information regarding the result of the Grammy Gods’ decisions to turn the Grammys into a collection of mismatched socks to attract an audience that watches television about as often as I eat Haggis …

While Listening to Bagpipes …

And longing for the return of America’s Got Herpes ….

Despite record ‘social media conversations,’ the Recording Academy is sagging in all-important Grammy audience ratings.

Last Sunday, Donald Glover – better known as Childish Gambino – made history.  His song, ‘This Is America,’ won both Song and Record of the Year, the first time a rap song has won both categories.

There was just one problem.  He didn’t show up to perform nor attend the event.  Drake and Kendrick Lamar had also rejected offers to perform at the Grammys.

Then, after apparently making peace with the Recording Academy, Drake made a surprise appearance.  Winning Best Rap Song for ‘God’s Plan,’ the Canadian artist downplayed the importance of the Grammy Awards.  Producers then cut him off mid-speech, leading to a noticeable “groan in the media room.”

While the 61st Annual Grammy Awards were filled with controversy, there was an even greater problem producers just couldn’t solve.

Not many people tuned in to watch the awards ceremony.

The Recording Academy has lost its core audience.

According to a new report, the Grammy Awards has set a record ratings low in adults 18-49.

The Sunday awards ceremony only scored a 5.6 rating among adults 18-49, with a broader audience total of 19.9 million viewers.  Last year’s telecast drew in a 5.9 rating and 19.9 million viewers.  The 2018 Grammy Awards first had an opening rating of 5.4 rating in adults 18-49 along with 17.6 million viewers.

The key figures mark a 24% decline from the 2017 Grammys.  That year, 26.1 million tuned in to watch the awards ceremony.  Over the past decade, the show has had an average audience of between 20 and 30 million.

2019’s ratings didn’t fare any better, meaning audiences have grown weary of watching the Grammys.

CBS, which aired the awards ceremony, spun the declining numbers.  The network claims the Grammys “drove more social media conversation than any awards show over the past two years.”

Frankly speaking, ‘social media conversation’ hasn’t been – and won’t be – enough to save the floundering awards ceremony.  Social media conversation won’t ever count as a key metric to keep the awards ceremony afloat, unless major advertisers are willing to commit the same spends.

Until the Recording Academy provides audiences with a compelling reason to tune in, expect key ratings to continue falling. – Daniel Sanchez – Digital Music News

Much can also be said about the United States current Administration.

It is constantly blabbered about on Social Media too…

…but that won’t save it or make it more popular either.

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WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MUSIC?

Aside to the Grammy Gods – Drake’s win in the “Rap Song of the Year Award perplexes me.

In case none of you got the memo, RAP stands for Rhythm and Poetry. In other words, it is SPOKEN WORD with percussion (these days referred to as “Beats” and “Snap Tracks”), and is DIFFERENT from a “Song”.

But there is NO category for “Best Rap”, even though there is one for “Best Song”, so …Am I the only one wondering why this has not been addressed?

Drake (Not his real name) and Childish Gambino (Not his real name) were both up for “Song of the Year”.

Childish (Not his Real Name) won with a RAP ‘song’.

Drake (Not his Real Name) won “Best RAP Song” with a “RAP” ‘song’, but Childish (Not his Real Name) wasn’t even NOMINATED for Best Rap ‘song’.

Should there not be a playoff series between the two?  At least an overtime ‘Rap-Off”?

Or a coin flip or something?

And while I’m at it, WHY are so many artists refusing to use their real names, and instead, making up names that sound like some kind of Witness Protection requirement or the names cheating married people use to sign into cheap motels for a nooner.

“Kevin, show Mr and Mrs Wap to bungalow 12.”

“Phillip, tell Mr and Mrs Cash Money their dinner seating is at 8:00 pm”.

“Daryl, Have Mr and Mr Ga Ga checked in yet? There are 15 messages from their daughter, Lady”.

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THE GRAMMY RED CARPET

I was going to write extensively about the red carpet shenanigans, but gave up after I realized I didn’t know who 99% of these people are.

Granted, these are not people that those of us who have lived long enough would or should remember. If you are old enough to recall 4 living Beatles, The Stones when they were of The Rolling variety, and the radio playing records by artists who could deliver the goods live without having to resort to 1200 scantily clad dancers and haircuts from a blind Army Barber, then don’t feel bad because you didn’t know if the pretty boy and girl with microphones were interviewing celebrities, or kids who were lost and looking for their parents.

The audience who could name-check the lot of them were probably busy with other things, like doing their homework, playing League of Legends, or helping mom make cookies.

Not that it matters …because in reality, the Red Carpet is about FASHION …and FASHION SHAMING.

Please watch this in its entirety. The depth of the shallowness is overwhelming.

…but I have to admit that obsessive shallowness is train-wreck riveting,

There will be a quiz after watching.

THE RED CARPET QUIZ

A – Does that first dress look like a badly made Burrito that’s about to unravel?

B – Does Sean Mendes look like he’s auditioning for a reboot of ‘Saved By The Bell’? Is it Sean or Shawn?

C – Does Ga Ga look like a badly wrapped Hershey Kiss?

D – Did you completely forget what J-Lo was wearing when she turned sidewise and displayed that adorable rear end of hers? What Hat? …and somewhere a horse is wondering wtf happened to its tail.

E – Was Kylie’s top 1. Ran through an office shredder, or 2. Get caught in the family wood chipper?

F – Is Katy Perry walking around in a Hostess Cream Filled Strawberry Snow Ball, or has she been shoved into a large Snow Cone?

And finally …

G – Why is Red Dress Critic wearing Bondage Heels, Why is Blonde Girl just not there, and Did Hollywood Cool token male lose a bet?

…and just so you know, this clip is CANADIAN, and has the perspective of distance. And i wanted our readers across the world to know that we also have pretty, smiling, well coiffed Celebrity Interview Celebrities here in The Great White Norge, who are every bit as pretty and smiling as Celebrity Interviewing Celebrities in America and probably other countries where you can’t Interview a Celebrity unless you LOOK like one.

I salute them all for their hard work in the trenches’ so that we mortals can watch them while we are wearing pajamas, bathrobes, fuzzy slippers and a cat in our lap surrounded by candy wrappers and missed popcorn kernels. Word.

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POUR A DRINK, REFILL YOUR WINE GLASS, CRACK A CAN O’ SUDS, ROLL A FATTY, OR DO A LINE…

IT’S GRAMMY TIME!

Oops! Sorry. I have to take out the garbage, do the dishes, and wash my hair.

I’ll finish this later.

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Segarini’s regular columns dive under the bed whenever Post Malone starts the vacuum cleaner

dbawis-button7giphyBob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.

 

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