Peter VS The Smart Phone

Today I am pulling back the curtain to discuss my dealings with “smarter-than-I-phones”, as I call them.  You may be amused (or sympathize).

When I first bought one, I famously said to the clerk ” I want a tin can on a string, without the string!” I had several bare bones format cellphones for the next number of years, and bought prepaid cards to use for calling. Inconvenient and frustrating at the best of times.


Eventually my circumstances improved, (and technology passed me by ), and I was able to get onto a monthly telephone plan. Much better, more enjoyable and much more useful.

For some time I was with Wind, and I found it to be very good. A number of years ago, I switched over to Koodo for some forgotten reason, but am quite pleased with it. I have unlimited calls, unlimited Canada wide long distance and a data plan too. Very kool, very Koodo.

I mentioned that technology had passed me by. I was no longer able to get a simple cell phone, I now had this glass/plastic/battery “thing ” in my hand with way more computing power than an Apollo spacecraft.

Not only could I now call and text, I could also compute, calculate and take visual images. I even have a “stepcounter”, which does the obvious. However, it also keeps me informed of my daily progress, praising me when I reach my daily target and chiding me when I don’t. (You think you are having a bad day? My cellphone just yelled at me!)

I purchase the infernal machine using a “tab”, which saves me having to lay out a “wack of cash” at one time. Generally speaking, these “tabs” last about two years.  I had actually paid one off completely once, less than two weeks later the speaker on the phone died, so “back to the drawing board “, or at least back to Best Buy 😉 !

As I am a fairly active fella, I  have run through a number of these things. One suffered a cracked screen when a bus driver “hit the brakes ” and I rolled down a flight of steps like a grey haired bowling ball! In another case, I had been to a family function and taken probably 60 nice pictures …

…and dropped the phone into a toilet the next evening! On another occasion, I was at the hospital, in the washroom and the damned thing slipped out of my hand, fell, hit the rim of the toilet and landed on the right side of the bowl, fortunately. I have left several in cabs, one I was able to retrieve, the other is gone forever, alas. (Strangely enough, the one that I was able to recover gave me more problems than the one which vanished!)

The predecessor to this phone had been in my possession for a couple of months when it died. During Indie Week! I was able to replace it the next day, but it was very inconvenient for me.  As I had to pay off almost an entire “tab”, my phone bills were high for the next two months, but I made it!

As they say ” I hold in my hand a device which contains access to all the knowledge accumulated by Civilization! I use it to look at pictures of kitties and to get into arguments with strangers!”

Love them or hate them,  these phones are here to stay,  for a while, at least.  “All bow to our alien overlords!”

See you soon, if I can get past my password protection!


2 Responses to “Peter VS The Smart Phone”

  1. Teresa Coulter Says:

    Lol. I find cellphones to be both a blessing and a curse! This was a fun column to read. I think most of us can emphasize with your cellphone misadventures. I look forward to receiving your columns every Thursday.

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