Bob Answers All Your Questions

In this herp-a-derp, mile-a-minute, screwed-up-beyond-belief, world in which we live in, there comes a time when someone has to step up and clear the air. Explain the unexplainable, make sense out of nonsense, and thread the needle of confusion, with the yarn of truth. Some say only a Fool would even attempt such a thing …well, Dear Readers …that Fool is Me.

BOB ANSWERS ALL YOUR QUESTIONS

Bob at The Answer Desk Answering Questions as Only He Can

Q: Does Donald Trump have a Brain Tumor? I am worried for him. – Mrs. Estelle Bunwick, Salt Lake City, Utah

A: Oh, Estelle …let me put your mind at ease. Tragically, you first have to have a brain in order to have a Brain Tumor. You have nothing to be worried about. Mr. Trump has about as much a chance of getting a brain tumor as the British had taking over our airports during the Revolutionary War.

Q: How can I tell Fake News from Real News? – Olivia Klinestein, Birkenstock, Oregon

A: It can be very difficult to ascertain what is the truth when there are so many different views being expressed. Here’s one way to handle this ongoing problem.

Look for signs that what is being said has at least a remote chance of being factual. For example, Hillary Clinton is running a sex slave, child slavery ring out of a Pizza Parlour, emailing State secrets to America’s enemies, and having Lesbian sex with Taylor Swift, seems a bit far-fetched, having been investigated multiple times by multiple agencies for 2 decades without any proof or even a compelling witness to the alleged crime. However, the incontrovertible facts concerning the actions of most of the current Republican administration, backed by dozens, if not hundreds, of eye witnesses, findings by numerous agencies, and flat out lies they have been repeatedly caught in, signifies a very good chance that the ‘news’ about Hillary Clinton is Fake, and the ‘news’ about the Republican administration is cold, hard, FACT. …Real news. If you are still confused as to what is real and what is not, please go back to school and learn some rudimentary reading skills and learn to use Google. Otherwise, for the Love of God, please don’t vote in 2020.

Q: Is Climate Change real? – Delbert Barchord, Miama, Florida

A: Well …when was the last time it was 84 degrees in the Arctic and a massive hailstorm in Guadalajara, Mexico buried it under slush? You live in Miami? …if I were you, I’d move before your Condo becomes part of  a reef ….

Q: Who is better …Pitbull or Post Malone? – Betty Tubestake, Sleeping Bag, Manitoba

A: No.

Q: Can you list the 10 worst things that have ever happened in the Music Business? – Kevin Loblah, Point Elbow, Ontario

A: Yes. I have the statistics from The Music Industry Analytic Threat Level Diagnostic Paper of 2017 courtesy of the Wenhousen Field Study Support Enclave of The American Federation of Statistical Analysts and Plectrum Manufacturers Local 189. Published in 2018 by the Gravenhurst Music Industry Watchdog and Contract Rider Division as a part of their Annual Stockholders Report and Box Lunch Social Program.

In no particular order ….

Col. Tom Parker

Pat Boone covering Little Richard songs

The Big Holes in 45s

The play “Hair”

Mariah Carey

Up With People

The Bird is the Word

Pretentious British Bands and Songs

Hallelujah

P Puff Diddy Daddy (and what has followed)

Runners up included Clive Davis, Max Martin, Michael Bolton and John Bonham when he was drunk.

Q: What’s wrong with Radio? – Bill Williams, Fresno, California

A: Pretty much everything.

Q: What is the most fun you can have with your pants on? – Millie Clairol Pontamousse, Frostbite, Quebec

A: Oh, c’mon! Everyone knows there is no such thing as having fun with your pants on. So, first take your pants off. After you take your pants off, everything is fun. So, to answer your question, take your pants off! The most fun you can have with your pants on is to take your pants off. Period. That’s all. Live with it, yo.

Q: Which is better, Game of Thrones or Walking Dead? – Sal Hepatica, Divot, North Dakota

A: No.

Q: Of all the wonderful things President Trump has accomplished in his life, what do you think is the single most important thing he has done since becoming President. There are so many things that are outstanding, I can’t decide what his biggest and best accomplishment is. Can you shed some light on that which you think he will best be remembered for? – Dana Hidler, Cornhole, Alabama.

A: Melania’s tits.

Q: What do the Republicans mean when they say “Make America Great Again”?  – Kid Roll, Lunchmeat Tennessee

A: Unfortunately, based on everything they are saying and doing, they mean this ….

…and THIS ….

…and THIS ….

Q: What time is it? – Newt Hockspur, Upper Lower Midlands, New Mexico

A: Time for me to stop answering your stupid questions and make dinner.

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Any Questions or comments, please write them in the Reply Section below.

Your Comments Are Welcome

Segarini’s regular columns are not responsible for  hearing loss, stolen wallets, or the current ‘music’ being played on the radio

dbawis-button7giphyBob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.

2 Responses to “Bob Answers All Your Questions”

  1. Gladys Kravitz Says:

    If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady, would you marry me anyway and would you have my baby?

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