Darrell Vickers – Mick Fire For Hire: Chapter Three

Mick Fire is a flaming, insalubrious has-been rock photographer. When albums were king, he was the toast of the town. Then, he was just toast. With the coming of CD’s, his career sank quicker than a Pakistani ferryboat. His fairytale life consists of a long suffering daughter, a 23 year old girlfriend, an ex-wife, an agent who hates him, a room-temperature refrigerator and a dead ferret.  Then one day, as Mick is wallowing at the bottom of his self-made shit well, someone lowers him a bucket. A job! A job that could put him back on top. And that’s when his troubles begin.

Alicia Keys – Girl On Fire

JUDY (OS)
Move it along, pops.

Match cut Alicia’s arms akimbo with…

INT. THUNDER SOUND – DAY

Judy, the cute-but-hard-nosed receptionist does not look impressed with the studio’s latest visitor. Mick scratches at his itchy new shirt. The reception area is a vaguely glittery but functional. A bunch of dusty gold and platinum records in cheap frames hang on the walls.

JUDY (CONT)

The studio’s bathrooms are for clients only.

(looking him up and down)

Although, it looks like you’ve already availed yourself of your own facilities.

MICK

This isn’t urine. It’s coffee.

JUDY

And I’m not a receptionist. I’m a stunning bouquet of nasturtiums.

MICK

I’m here for The Civilians listening party. I’m shooting the cover.

Judy holds up a chalice.

JUDY
Why don’t you do us both a favor? Help yourself to a couple of complimentary Thunder Sound mints and hit the fucking road.

Nobby, a well dressed and well groomed man of about 60, enters the building and spots Mick.

NOBBY
(beaming)

Mick Fire! You old son of a fuck.

Mick turns but is slightly confused.

MICK

Nobby? Is that you?

Nobby grabs his dress shirt and rips it open, revealing a muscular chest with “Nobby” tattooed across his pecs.

NOBBY
In the fucking flesh!

Judy has seen enough. She picks up the phone.

JUDY
Security?

Bad Company – Here Come Trouble

CAROL (OS)

So Freda, you remember Freda?

INT. COWS ON ICE – CONTINUOUS

Your typical franchise. Carol is behind the counter, next to the various frozen delights on offer. She is scooping a brown and red confection into a cup for BRUNO SELF, a large man in an expensive suit. Think John Travolta in Get Shorty.

CAROL (CONT)

She’s on the bus today and this pervo jack-off grabs her snatch.

BRUNO

On the bus?

CAROL
Right there on the bus. I take the bus sometimes.

BRUNO

That’s not fuckin’ right.

CAROL

That’s what I said.

BRUNO

Did she get the name of this fucker?

CAROL
Better. She got his picture.

Carole shows him her phone.

BRUNO

What’s wrong with his mouth?

CAROL

A super nice guy sucker punched him.

BRUNO

It’s not much to go on.

CAROL

Freda said he was some sort of photographer. Apparently, he’s got an agent and everything.

BRUNO

I’ll get the boys to look into it.

She beams a smile and hands the cold and sweet treat to Bruno.

CAROL

That’s just ginchy, Bruno. Consider this on the house.

She looks around to make sure no one can hear.

CAROL (CONT)
And if you do find Mr. Charming and give him the “what for” he so rightly deserves, I’ll squat on your next frozen yogurt.

INT. THUNDERSOUND STUDIO – DAY

There are a few chairs set up in front of gigantic Japanese monitors. A modicum of groovy people mill around. Dave Grohl and Joan Jett duel it out at Kerplunk at a table off to the side. Mick chats to Nobby at the snack table.

MICK

(surveying what’s on offer)

6 kinds of spring water? No smoking allowed? What the hell happened to you?

NOBBY
20 years sober, Mick. I feel great. I look great. And thanks to hittin’ the gym 5 days a week, I fuck great.

MICK

But…what do you do all day?

NOBBY
I love life. I write songs. I read books. I fuck. I’ve got a wife. I’ve got a girlfriend. I’ve got this sound girl – on tour? When she sucks on your wing-wang, the lights in the room go dim.

MICK

All of that sounds great it theory but… Well, congrats on the album, anyway. What label is it going to be on?

NOBBY
Private label. We were touring shitholes in the Mid West and a super rich/super fan just came up to us and said, “Ya wanna make an album?” Fucking right we did.

MICK
Super rich?

NOBBY

We cut 35 songs. Money was no object. Full orchestra on the ballads. Dave Gilmore plays on 3 tracks. They flew in the Royal Gong from Norway for fuck sakes.

MICK
North America doesn’t have gongs?

NOBBY
This one just has and incredibly special tone. It was way worth it.

T. Rex – Bang a Gong

We hear the sound of a major, motherfucking gong.

INT. ARCHIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Two large, well dressed gentlemen walk into a fairly dowdy office. The ill-kempt, cigar chomping proprietor eyes their arrival with some trepidation. He stands and backs up against the wall.

ARCHIE

Hey fellas. If it’s about that 3k – tell Vinny I’m good for it – tomorrow at the latest.

DANNY

We’re not from Vinny. We’re from Bruno.

Archie’s demeanor changes.

ARCHIE

Bruno? I don’t owe Bruno shit. (micro beat) With absolute respect.

DANNY

We’re lookin’ for this guy.

Manny shows Archie Mick’s pic on his phone.

MANNY

He’s some jerk-off photographer.

DANNY

That’s what you do here, right?

ARCHIE

This guy looks like shit. What’s wrong with his face?

DANNY

Some super nice guy sucker punched him.

ARCHIE

I wouldn’t hire a bum like this. I specialize in art shots. Anything from tits to Bowlin’ in the Colon. Total calss. You might try someone like Symington’s or Crater and Sand.

DANNY

Thanks.

MANNY
Yeah thanks. And I’d pay Vinny what you owe him, if I were you. That guy is fucking psycho.

Shooter – Self Titled

VINNY (OS)

So, you’re the famous Mick Fire.

INT. THUNDER SOUND STUDIO – CONTINUOUS

VINNY VEENSTRA is an immaculately dressed man of about 45. He is friendly and polite but you have the feeling he’d pluck your eyeballs out if you accidentally trod on his 700 dollar shoes. He has a slight accent.

VINNY (CONT)

Very happy to make your acquaintance.

Mick knows instantly who Vinny is and shows the required respect.

MICK

Hello, Mr. Veenstra.

Mick holds out his hand nervously and Vinny shakes it.

VINNY
Please, call me Vinny. All my friends and lawyers call me Vinny.

MICK
I’m sorry about the way I’m dressed, sir.

VINNY

(indicating the surroundings)
This is rock and roll. People dress how they like. Live how they like. Love how they like. That’s what makes it so grab-you-by-the-balls exciting.

NOBBY
Didn’t I tell you Vinny was a great guy?

VINNY

(half smile)

As long as you never lie to me, we’ll be the best of friends.

MICK

Well, you’re not a woman, so that should be pretty easy.

VINNY

(small chuckle)
Very funny. (micro beat) Well, Nobby and the boys think the world of you so know you won’t let us down. This is a very important album.

MICK
I’ve been saying that to everyone I know. I can’t wait to hear it.

VINNY
The Norwegian gong is absolutely fucking amazing.

NOBBY
Didn’t I tell you!

INT. 3RD FLOOR – SNYDER BUILDING – DAY

Danny and Manny patiently wait for the elevator. The doors slide open. A couple of large, well-suited men are inside. All four slowly slip their fingers inside their dapper jackets.

DANNY

You boys work for Vinny?

BENNY

Yeah. Who are you?

DANNY

We’re associates of Bruno.

MANNY

Archie says he’ll have the 3k tomorrow.

LENNY

(carefully taking out a gun)

That’s too bad.

DANNY

That’s what we thought.

BENNY

What did you need Archie for?

MANNY

Just some information.

LENNY

Lucky you caught him when you did.

DANNY

That’s what we thought.

We hear the smashing of glass.

MANNY
It sounds like Archie may have exited using alternate means.

BENNY
In that case, we’ll take the stairs. If you’ll excuse us, gentlemen.

Benny and Lenny dash off. Manny and Danny watch them go.

DANNY
Assholes.

MANNY
That’s what I thought.

INT. FIRE KITCHEN – DAY

Skychild stares deep into her ferret’s eyes as she nibbles on another fish stick. Fanny enters.

FANNY
Having a meeting of the minds?

SKYCHILD

More a meeting of the souls. I’m trying to help lift the dark clouds that hang over this poor sad creature.

FANNY

Well, if there was ever a house that knew about hangovers, it’s this one.

SKYCHILD

Life is so hard for wild creatures. And dying is hard for everyone.

FANNY
It’s practically famous for it.

SKYCHILD

All Ethelred is asking for is a little respect.

FANNY

Ethelred?

SKYCHILD

The last thing that is left of us on this Earth is our bodily vessel. We take those temporal remnants and we place them in a church. A holy and dignified place, so that friends and family may come and show their love a respect. What kind of respect and dignity has Ethelred been afforded?

Fanny looks Ethelred over.

FANNY

Well, better than Gaddafi but several rungs lower than King Tut.

SKYCHILD

(turning to Fanny)

We need to hold a sacred ceremony, celebrating Ethelreds’s life, before laying his cotton-balled remains to eternal rest.

FANNY

(second to reflect)

I like it. I’m in.

Skychild jumps up.

SKYCHILD
Ya mean it?

FANNY

Sure. It’ll help me figure out what to wear for Micks’s imminent funeral.

Skychild grabs Fanny and hugs and kisses her. Fanny gently separates.

FANNY
Now, what did we agree about using our tongues?

SKYCHILD
Sorry. I’m just so in love with this family.

Sky envelops her in another big hug.

=DV=

Please scroll down to leave Your Comments, Kudos, and Complaints

DBAWIS_ButtonDarrell Vickers started out as one half of Toronto area band, Nobby Clegg.  CFNY fans may remember the cheery song “Me Dad” which still gets airplay.  From there, he valiantly ventured to L.A. and eventually became head writer for The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  Since then, he’s created numerous sitcoms and animation shows in Canada and the U.S.  He still writes music and has an internet band called Death of the Author Brigade (members in Croatia, Canada and the U.S.)   Mr. Vickers also had a private music mailing-list where he features new and pre-loved music.  Anyone who would like to be added to his daily mailing list, just write him at Radiovickers1@gmail.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: