Peter – Remembering Lois

This is my third start on this week’s column. It is a difficult column for me to write, as last week marked the first anniversary of my dear Lois’ passing. I was drawn to write about the incredible sorrow I felt as her health deteriorated, how grim my state of mind became as I plumbed the depths of despair dealing with the death of an intimate partner, a situation which Life had never prepared me for.

But, Loyal Reader, upon reflection, I decided to focus instead on the good, on the joyous relationship between Lois and I, on the lessons she taught me about being a better man , on the esteem in which she was held by our circle of friends and acquaintances.
We met on a telephone dating line back in 2002. After exchanging messages for a while, we agreed to meet face to face.
From the beginning we liked each other.  We liked each other a great deal. I worked at Yonge and St Clair and Lois worked at Yonge and Bloor. I would meet her after work and we would go out to eat. We enjoyed going shopping together, as well.
I would joke that I was “caddying ” when she was shopping for clothes, as I would hold onto her selections while she was using the change rooms. She would come out wearing an article of clothing, display it to me and I would give her my honest opinion about it. The first time I did this, she told me how nice it was to get a man’s point of view and then went to try something else on.
I reflected on her statement and thought about some other things she had done and said, for example, how surprised she was when I had called her when I had told her that I would.
I suddenly realized with a start that she was used to being “an afterthought ” in her “romantic relationships “.
She had had a series of these unhappy relationships, and I wasn’t much help to her when, as a result of a downturn in my home life, she and I drifted apart.  Lois had tried her best to keep our relationship going, but to no avail.
As a result of my negligence, we were apart for several years. Then, one Friday afternoon, I got an email from her, out of the blue.  She wanted to get back together.
Overwhelmed by her faith in us, I enthusiastically agreed to do so. I then  took some time to think about the mistakes I had made which had led us to this juncture. I decided upon several corrective measures which I would adopt in order to solidify our relationship. Some of you may find this one useful yourselves.
One of my shortcomings had been that I had let other problems in my life have an impact on our relationship. My failure to compartmentalize had cost me dearly, wasted years that I could never replace.
As a result I was unable to pay the proper amount of time and attention to our relationship.
However, now having received a “second chance “, I vowed to not waste this opportunity. Thankfully I was able to concentrate on rebuilding our relationship, with great success.
We were able to reunite with my aunt and cousins in the Windsor area, and she was enthusiastically accepted into the family.
She was very supportive of my involvement in the indie music scene, although mobility and hearing issues prevented her from attending most of these events.
She was a beautiful, wonderful woman and I was very lucky to have her in my life.
As I mentioned above, her life was not the nicest. Her mother was less than protective, Lois had bad luck in romance and she had a number of bad bosses.
I remember once asking her why, after experiencing all this misery, she was still a very pleasant, kind, funny person. She looked at me and said that because she had personally experienced this treatment, she had no desire to treat anyone else like that.
She will always be in my heart, and I will never forget her. I know that she would be happy with where I am right now.  More on that next week.
See you soon

10 Responses to “Peter – Remembering Lois”

  1. Doug Thompson Says:

    A beautiful and touching tribute to Lois Peter.

  2. Catherine Hammond Says:

    that was beautiful Peter.

  3. Teresa Coulter Says:

    Beautiful Peter. I think of Lois often. She brightened the lives of all who knew her. ♥️

  4. Andrew Cruikshank Says:

    Thank-you for your honesty and filling in the blanks. I miss Lois so much! 🙂

    • Peter Montreuil Says:

      I appreciate that, Andrew. I felt that it was important to be honest about the situation. I really learned a lot from Lois.

  5. Mike Peters Says:

    Lovely thoughts Peter. Thanks for sharing. Take care of your self there.

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