Darrell Vickers – Graham Haley Part One – Regret-O-Grams, I’ve Had A Few

Preface:

Right off the top, I’d like to state that Graham Haley is a confrere of the highest standing. Besides being a talented actor and voiceover specialist, Mr. Haley possesses a heart and soul that are thoroughly imbued with the entrepreneurial spirit. In the grand tradition of Ford, Carnegie and Edison before him, a passel of his epiphanies were absolute corkers, like his massively successful series of Haley’s Handy Hints books but some of the money-making seeds he enthusiastically planted fell well short of a bumper harvest. In this column, I shall be recounting our involvement in some of his lesser endeavors. 

Darrell Vickers – You Have to Start Somewhere, Why Not Hamilton? (The Place not the Play) …Though There Are Plays Mentioned.

If we’re being truthful, and I realize that that is an astronomic proviso, there is very little that gets accomplished immediately after one is born. You sit around all day, shit in your pants and bitch and cry about the least little thing. Basically, you’re a network executive until your fourth birthday.

The Magic Hour Part Two – Part Two: A Change is Gonna Come

Those nascent days on The Magic Hour were like being airlifted into a room awash in eggshells while wearing size 26 snow boots. Every attempted micro-step caused annoyed and bitter heads to swing in our unintentionally crunchy direction. Needless to say, our relationship with the head writer, Pete, was tense at best. We were about as popular as having Matt Gaetz attend your high school prom.

The panicky act of Fox dragooning us onto the show had basically taken a Weed Whacker to his nether parts. Severely truncheoned his pink and tenders. Wantonly augered his… well, you get the idea.

Darrell Vickers – The Magic Hour Part One of Part Two – I Don’t Know Why You Say Goodbye I Say Hello

“My pants are down around my ankles and I’m bent over my desk.  What do you want?”

This colorful interrogative was bellowed over the phone to our agent by a Fox executive in Business Affairs. 

Perhaps I should back this story up a smidge:

Darrell Vickers – The Magic Hour: Part Two of Part One – Tonight’s the Nights

When dealing with a humor-challenged performer such as Magic Johnson, you craft material that involves him peripherally but passes on all the heavy lifting to a rib-tickling professional. It’s a comedic slight of hand. Basically, Mr. Johnson set up the jokes and Barry would bring home the side-splitting bacon. It gave the illusion that Magic was a part of frivolity unbound without actually requiring him to personally reduce the audience to spit-spraying bucket-chuckling gibbons.

Darrell Vickers – Magic Johnson Part One of Part One – Every Little Thing We Did For Magic

 

For all the excitement and laugh-a-minute hijinks that ultimately end up on the small-but-getting-larger-every-day screen, animation is a fairly dull medium to write for but you sure can’t beat the commute. You lucubrate in the bosom of your own homestead, tenaciously hack your way through the occasional set of nettlesome network notes and when it’s all done and dusted, you press a couple of keys on your computer and send it off to anywhere in the world. A life of toiling in animation is totally absent the non-stop madcap Joy Circus that you get sucked into when manning the helm of a Hollywood set. It does not require dealing with studios and networks both asking you to do the impossible as a million unforeseen crises swirl around you like pissed-off bees. It is blissfully free of discontented actors unable to remember the simplest sequence of dialogue. You are spared having to wait endless hunger-filled hours for that intern to bring back food from Jerry’s Deli while you “amp the stakes” at the end of Act One.

Darrell Vickers – Kevin’s Castle Part Two: A Huge Amount of Castle Hassle

A Huge Amount of Castle Hassle

As we touched down in Toronto to start production, the weather was absolutely insulting. It was bitterly cold with this bizarre form of precipitation that refused to go away, even after it had fallen from the sky. It just lay around on the streets and people’s lawns like a drunken uncle and got in everyone’s way. Not the triumphant return to our beloved homeland that we had anticipated.

Alas, naughty Mister Winter was going to be the least of our problems.

Darrell Vickers – Kevin’s Castle Part One: I Nelvana Promised You a Rose Garden

I Nelvana Promised You a Rose Garden

Show business careers are all about ebb and flow. Minor ups and seemingly endless, bottomless, psyche-demolishing downs. As this story pops its initially happy head out of its comfy gopher hole, Andrew and I were flowing to beat the band. We were being paid a king’s ransom and change to consult on the cursed and doomed and damned Magic Hour when we received a call from CAA. A producer had just sold a pilot concept to the Disney Channel and they wanted Andrew and my humble self to develop it and, if it was picked up, to executive produce the pilot. Well, sure.

Darrell Vickers – Have Mercy Part IV – Show Them No Mercy!

As this happy-go-lucky little episode commences, Andrew and I were un-merrily scampering back to our very temporary offices on the Warner lot to begin unnecessary script rewrites while simultaneously searching for a new leading lady. Mr. Steinberg had wandered off in search of a phone to fire our old leading lady. We, by far, had the easier task. David said that Heather cried limpid, glistening, voluptuous tears that you could sell in any adult book store in America when she received the unfortunate news.

Darrell Vickers – Have Mercy Part Three: A Title or a Cry for Help?

 

Andrew and I now had our blindingly luminescent stars (Daniel Hugh Kelly and the ever-lovely Heather Locklear) and, thanks to Ellie Kanner, we also managed to accrue a rootin’-tootin’ supporting cast. Paxton Whitehead (Gilbert – the British concierge), Stuart Pankin (Bertrand – the French chef), Julie Payne (the maid) and a young Patrick Warburton as the muscle-bound bellboy were dreams to work with. Talented and cooperative? To quote the legendary Wally Shawn: “Inconceivable!”