Darrell Vickers – Ted Zeigler Part Three: Hollywood!

By the 1960s-killing-year of 1970, Ted had decided to seek fame and fortune in a place where a vast majority of people with that very same dream end up as drug addicts, prostitutes and off-ramp pre-loved churro vendors. But having streets paved with the shattered souls of generations of the young and hopeful did not make him any less amorous for the glamorous, so he loaded up the truck and he moved to Beverly.

Darrell Vickers – George Carlin: Part One – He Hired Who?

     In 1973, George Carlin was an absolute filthy sensation. “FM & AM”, “Class Clown” and “Occupation: Foole” had taken an easily scandalized world by storm. Who knew mentioning “cocksucker, motherfucker and tits” (which sounds like Jimmy Swaggart’s room service order at a Baptist convention) could be so uproarious? I can recall precisely where I was the first time I laid my tender ears upon “The Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.” A shindig was being thrown for the young and swingin’ volunteers of the local, government-mandated Cable Access station. We, the young and unpaid, sat around that north Oshawa living room in stitches while Bill Ridell, the government-mandated station manager, mimed along with the shockingly brilliant piece.

Darrell Vickers – Oh, You’re Back

From California to Coventry

As Inquisitionally torturous as traversing the U.S. of A. by bus had been heading due west, at least our ultimate destination was the undisputed entertainment capital of the world. Andrew and I were now being forced to endure the very same 72 hour crucible, trapped inside an unhygienic, glaciated stink-pit, just to get back to Oshawa. Clearly, we were being subjected to unspeakably cruel and unrelenting retribution for the simple crime of intermittently enjoying ourselves.

Darrell Vickers – First Trip Part 2 – Making Up Reality

Andrew and I had been ensconced in the fire-hazard hills above the City of Angels for about a week and fortune had smiled down upon us like it thought we were somebody else. I’d shared a chat and a giggle with a half-naked woman, we’d eaten at The Sizzler and my apartment in Oshawa began to seem like a badly decorated, foul-smelling dream. By the time The Fifth Estate arrived, Nicholls & Vickers had become as Hollywood as a high colonic gift certificate.

Darrell Vickers – The First Visit: Part One – The Naked and the Red

Preface:

While I shall be highlighting some mildly unflattering aspects of Alan Thicke’s character in the peerlessly eloquent pages before you, I wish to take great pains to note that Alan recognized our talent more than any living soul in Canada. He thought enough of what Andrew and I had to offer to invite us down to L.A. and billet us in his guest house. Was he a tough boss to work for? PHEW! Read on. But he opened up vast new worlds for us and forever changed our lives and for that I will always be deeply grateful.

Darrell Vickers – A Trip to Not Very Bountiful

There were some mega, whopping and ultra ginormous Scooby-doings goin’ down at The Comedy Bank! Mr. Haley was practically vibrating when he called us. He’d just concluded a convivial chin-wag with THE Alan Thicke. Alan had read an article his mother had snipped from a local publication and wished to sample the wares of Graham’s stable of sardonic scribes. Al generously provided areas of his public persona that could be mined for levity and was anxious to see what the jolly jesters at the Bank would come up with. This was precisely the kind of phone call I’d been dreaming about since my parents replaced the crib in my nursery with a foosball table. In fact, I still have a birthmark in the shape of a left midfielder’s head.

Darrell Vickers – Graham Haley Part One – Regret-O-Grams, I’ve Had A Few

Preface:

Right off the top, I’d like to state that Graham Haley is a confrere of the highest standing. Besides being a talented actor and voiceover specialist, Mr. Haley possesses a heart and soul that are thoroughly imbued with the entrepreneurial spirit. In the grand tradition of Ford, Carnegie and Edison before him, a passel of his epiphanies were absolute corkers, like his massively successful series of Haley’s Handy Hints books but some of the money-making seeds he enthusiastically planted fell well short of a bumper harvest. In this column, I shall be recounting our involvement in some of his lesser endeavors. 

Darrell Vickers – You Have to Start Somewhere, Why Not Hamilton? (The Place not the Play) …Though There Are Plays Mentioned.

If we’re being truthful, and I realize that that is an astronomic proviso, there is very little that gets accomplished immediately after one is born. You sit around all day, shit in your pants and bitch and cry about the least little thing. Basically, you’re a network executive until your fourth birthday.

The Magic Hour Part Two – Part Two: A Change is Gonna Come

Those nascent days on The Magic Hour were like being airlifted into a room awash in eggshells while wearing size 26 snow boots. Every attempted micro-step caused annoyed and bitter heads to swing in our unintentionally crunchy direction. Needless to say, our relationship with the head writer, Pete, was tense at best. We were about as popular as having Matt Gaetz attend your high school prom.

The panicky act of Fox dragooning us onto the show had basically taken a Weed Whacker to his nether parts. Severely truncheoned his pink and tenders. Wantonly augered his… well, you get the idea.

Darrell Vickers – The Magic Hour Part One of Part Two – I Don’t Know Why You Say Goodbye I Say Hello

“My pants are down around my ankles and I’m bent over my desk.  What do you want?”

This colorful interrogative was bellowed over the phone to our agent by a Fox executive in Business Affairs. 

Perhaps I should back this story up a smidge: