Bob VS The Virus The Cabin Fever The Fools and The Pants

Day 12,985 of Self Isolation

Dear Diary …today, 2 of my favourite cockroaches and one of my imaginary friends, Delbert, Roland, and Pablo and I were discussing which pasta sauce stain on my robe resembled veteran Big Band leader, Harry James, when I thought I heard a knock on the door. Delbert and Roland scurried back under the stove leaving Pablo and I to try and figure out who it could be.

“Did you order any food?”, I asked Pablo, who was stroking his goatee like he was considering moving his rook to take either one of my checkers or the Top Hat from the Monopocheckerchess game we had invented back on day 11, 334 of this forced march, and waited for his reply. The knock was repeated.

Without looking up, Pablo said, “Get the door”, and waved his left hand toward the hallway where the door resided. When I told him “no”, he shrugged and moved his knight on my little race car. I hadn’t seen THAT coming. That Pablo is a sly one. “Why won’t you answer the door?”, he asked. I told him. I never answer the door because no one is ever there when I do. I’m not even sure we have a door anymore.

Segarini – Laugh With Me or At Me, I Don’t Care Which …Just Laugh

I busted my ass on this column. Not complaining just …well …yeah, I’m not complaining …just trying to help ya’all get through this whole stupid mess. It ain’t much, but my skill set is limited, so take it or leave it. I love you all. Not like my Family or GF or Pink’s Hot Dogs, or a Harbour Sixty Bone-In Rib Steak, or Decent Bourbon, or my 3D TV, or a bunch of other shit, but it is genuine love. Thanks for being there. Seriously. I mean it. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t. Jesus! Quit doubting me! Fuck, Man I d …I gotta pee. Read this. Later. Whenever. Now. Sunday. I don’t care. gotta pee.

The first 600 words of this column first appeared on April 22nd, 2016

They bear repeating ….

Pat Blythe – Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft of me…..and music…..

I keep checking my calendar to see what day it is. It’s Toosday….column writing day and the last day of March….out like a lamb. With the kinder weather approaching the great outdoors beckons. We still need to stretch our legs, get some fresh air, shop for the necessities and experience some sort of live human connection, even from a distance. We need it to thrive. Zoom, Skype, et al simply don’t cut it 100% of the time. Just don’t be stupid or careless about it. Common sense should prevail. Don’t be breathing down each other’s necks. Hugging and kissing are verboten for the moment. Social distancing is the new norm. When around other humans respect their space and give them some space.

Pat Blythe – Coronavirus fashion trends….

I have been writing my brains out over the past week. A number of great assignments through Fiverr and I’ve now managed to scoop a rather lucrative project that will probably see me through the rest of the month. These stay-at-home projects are just what the doctor ordered. Helps to keep my mind off other things…..or not……

With all the insane craziness going on all around the world we are pretty much stuck inside our homes. Reading all the messages on FB and IG, apparently most of us are making wardrobe choices that reflect that cooped-up feeling. Who needs to make a fashion statement at the office these days? Our daily maintenance routines aren’t so daily anymore. With all the beauty and nail salons closed I’m thinking the heavy use of hats and scarves is next. Either that or there’s going to be a lot of Miss Clairol flying off the shelves. Hands and feet? I’ll leave that up to you.

Roxanne Tellier – Is That You, Rona?

Funny, I always thought that I’d get so much more done. Whenever I felt like I just couldn’t keep up with all of the richness and offerings of modern life, I’d mutter to myself…

“If only time would stop – just for a day or two – and let me catch up on all of this watching, reading, and writing!”

So here it is, and guess what I’ve been doing? Lying on my bed, watching YouTube, playing games on the tablet, and spending quality time with the cats. Between naps.

I have 24 library books here to be read and used for the three major projects I’m working on, but I’ve not opened one of them. Instead I’m storming through my stack of paperback novels, the pulpier the better.  Occasionally I feel guilty about not working on those weighty projects, but then I tell myself that I just can’t possibly start yet, not without that one other book that was on its way before the library so abruptly closed.

I keep busy, no question. And I spend a lot of time wondering if I’m sneezing because of allergies, or because of the coronavirus.

Roxanne Tellier – To Panic or Not to Panic

To update the old saw; whether you believe we are in the middle of a global pandemic, or not – you are right.

There is plenty of ‘evidence’ to bolster either conclusion. And that, in a nutshell, is precisely at the core of our immediate dilemma; in the face of a poorly coordinated, half-hearted, largely disrespected, lack of an honest plan for moving forward, the people are the losers.

Roxanne Tellier – Corona My House Baby

So – that was a pretty wild month, right? Even for a leap year? At this time of year, I’m usually talking about cabin fever, and writing about ‘hygge’ and how to cope when winter just won’t leave.