Bob Presents E. Ray Pancake’s Fake News, Bullshit, and Out and Out Lies

Hi.

I’m Bob.

…and being Bob and of a certain age, I must be honest and let you know that because of the heat I am unable to type very much due to a little known condition called “Beckett’s Wobble Fingers”, brought on by the bones in my fingers turning to a rubber-like substance due to eating too much Play Doh as a child. The heat triggers it and I am unable to push down on the keys of my keyboard because my digits are too soft to push hard enough to make them click and form words with letters. This intro is being typed by my housekeeper and care-giver, Dorito Espenoza, a woman who has served my family since the unfortunate events of June 14th, 1946.

Without further ado, Here’s E. Ray…and Senor Bob, you owe me extra for typing this. Stiff me this time, and I will pour red ants in your underwear drawer again….

Robert Joseph Segarini Presents E. Ray Pancake’s Record Reviews and Did You Know’s

It was not often that I found engaging sites on Los Internets del Taco, Mexico’s Number One Website portal, a little known but highly suspect Internet provider, but since they were bought by Tijuana resident ex Morning Show co-host, and World’s Oldest Woman, Kathy Lee Gifford, (Who turns 126 today), and converted all their links and sites to English, the world of unusual and entertaining websites has opened up to me, and my internet time has tripled because every day I find new and addictive ways to waste my time. For example, I just used their exclusive Online Run-On Sentence and Comma Usage Counter on this paragraph, and found out I beat my previous, record, by, three, commas. As cool as that is, the best site available there is the one I am about to, share, with, you.

Robert Cronkite Presents The News of the Whirled

EDITORIAL

I hope I don’t come across as being an alarmist, but has anyone else noticed that everything seems to be so fucked up on this mudball right now, that it can’t possibly be happening.

I mean really.

This can NOT be happening.

The world in which we live in (Thank you, Paul) is going through an odd, disconnected from reality, square dance.

Could this be…AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION???

Or are we collectively the dumbest, childish, most self-absorbed, delusional, insecure, undereducated, barely literate, bigoted, apathetic, species in the entire known universe?

Maybe if we look at this logically.  Hmmm…Awww, what the hell.

Segarini Looks At All the News in a Nutshell

Let me save you the trouble of having to read Tweets, The FB Newsfeed, Your Local Paper, Time Magazine, The New York Times, Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and the Langley Falls Shopping News. I will also eliminate your having to sit through the Network News, TMZ, Etalk, Vinyl, Empire, and Keeping Up with The Kardashians, and The Sporting News and Sports Illustrated.

You’re welcome….