Darrell Vickers – Chapter Sixteen If You Don’t Like This Nose, You Can Stick It Up Your Ass

Meanwhile Izzy and Rebecca were in Bergdorf Goodman, spending it to the ground.  The entire morning had been a ferocious but fashionable maelstrom of wanton consumerism and torrid homoerotic girlie-groping in and around NY’s toniest boutiques.  Snotty sales clerks gaped and gasped in commission-reckoning amazement as these two sizzling sartorial style-junkies swiped my credit card to the point of it setting it ablaze.  Dior!  Stella McCartney!  Galliano!  Zac Posen!  They grabbed as much cloth-with-a-foreign-name-stitched-on-it as their arms could hold and carted it away to small rooms with poorly measured curtains.  And no accent or accessory was spared.  Izzy was rounding up a large herd of Balenciaga clutch purses when something caught her eye.  She turned to Rebecca and whispered, “Am I crazy, or is that Angela Cartwright and some street bum over there buying up the other half of the store?”

“Who?” asked Rebecca.  Prostitutes don’t get a lot of time to watch late night reruns.

Roxanne Tellier – It’s Good News Week!

Hey there! are you tired of constantly opening your browser or newspaper and finding an unending stream of reports of mayhem and horrible tragedies? Are you tired of reading about how cruel and nasty humans can be to one another? Have you asked yourself lately, ‘why does the media never have anything nice to say about anyone?’

Segarini Time Machine – October 11th, 2011

Hello there …

This will be updated next week. In the meantime, due to a busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs week and weekend, this gem from 2011(written before many of you were born), is the lead in to next week’s blockbuster column.

Until then, have a week’s worth of nice days, look both ways when you cross your fingers, and quit pulling the goalie looking at pictures of Margot Robbie (or however she spells her name.

I Remain,

The Scarlet Claw

Darrell Vickers – Chapter Fifteen: We’re Here. We’re Here. You Lucky, Lucky People

I’d been doing a little shopping myself.  After lunch, Alchemy walked into her office to find a ‘50s-style leather jacket and motorcycle cap hanging on an antique coat rack.  Next to her phone, I placed the evilest pair of sunglasses I could find.  And in her chair, I put a big poster of Marlon Brando from The Wild One.  Except, I cut out a picture of Alchemy’s face and pasted it over Marlon’s.

When I have a woman in my sights, there are no half steps.

Roxanne Tellier – And we’re BACK!

… with your Sunday political sermon. Time to catch up on what you may have missed over the last couple of weeks, and to get a sense of the direction we seem to be heading towards as Canadian election fever sets in.

In other words… where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?

Roxanne Tellier – Rounding It Up, Heading It Out

Since we DBAWIS scribes are about to go on hiatus until September 7th, today’s column is a round up of ideas and issues that have zipped past us in the last few days.

Have you noticed that, the speeding up of events? In the last few years we have become accustomed to barely accommodating the horrors of a day before awakening to the new atrocities of the next. It’s exhausting, and it’s been taking a huge toll on the psyches of not only Americans, but of citizens in countries all around the world.

Darrell Vickers – Chapter Fourteen: Ten Pounds of Shit in a Five Pound Bag

Back in the grandest suite that the Four Season’s Hotel has to offer, Angela Cartwright stared at the check while sipping champagne from a long-stem crystal flute.  When that ran out, there was another entire bottle of Dom very-good-year Perignon in the ice-bucket beside her.  This was the kind of establishment that charged north of 25 bucks a mug for room-service coffee in the morning.  This suite was so expensive, if you had a naked Keira Knightly’s open mouth next to the complimentary snack cupboard, it still wouldn’t be worth it.  Punjab certainly knew what it took to impress someone of her stature.  And he wasn’t only impressing her!  Punji was also delighting her famous co-star who was hearing all about it on the other end of a faux daffodil phone.  Only her side of the conversation was interesting, so I’ll spare you Mr. Mumy’s contributions.