Segarini: Riding Out the Storm

Father Bob cropped

Caution! This column is rated NSFW!

WTF is with this weather? We get one day of 15 degree (59 degrees to you in the Lower 48) Spring-like amnesty, and then the prairies send us a perfect storm of freezing temperatures, high winds, rain, sleet, hail, and snow. Now the sidewalks are slippery, the roads are treacherous…and I am wondering if a Montreal winter has finally found out where I moved and has come to remind me how much I hate extreme weather both hot and cold.

There is one thing about terrible winter weather that has merit. If you are trapped at home, depressed, or just frustrated by it all and happen to have a spouse/partner or have a hooker/male prostitute’s cell number, there is a good way to ride out this SAD inducing cow flop.

Sex.

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Couple 1No great romp in the sack or on the kitchen floor, or in the shower, or on the balcony, or in the pantry, or in the garage in the backseat of your parked car, is complete without a soundtrack. Those of you who find Sabbath, Zeppelin, Springsteen or The Beatles and most other classic rock tunes conducive to good, mindless, stomach churning, playful abandonment, the kind of aural kindling to release your inner-slut, may put your own playlist together, although some exceptions are included here.

To me, great sex has always had a rhythm, a groove that moves your body against its will, that forces the hips to sway, to push and pull, to thrust and withdraw, and frees the mind to wallow in the moment, casting out all distractions, drawing you in and focusing your entire being on pleasing…and being pleased. Music is the lubricant of the mind.

CoupleEverybody has a slightly different body groove. That which titillates and excites, and releases your estrogen or testosterone, the inner animal that is at all of our centers, differs from one individual to the next. Finding someone whose body rhythm matches or is close to yours as it can be should never be denied. When the smoke clears, this is one of the few things that is required for a lasting relationship. You can deny that all you want, but sexual adventurism, shared and enjoyed between two people, is far better than withholding those compartmentalized secret desires we all harbour, instead of fantasizing Couple 2about them with someone who shares your open mind, and inner hedonist. Most fantasies are best left undone…the reality of some will destroy you or your relationship if you don’t share them instead with a trusted and trusting companion. Better to act them out than to actually do them. Actually having sex with the cast of Sons of Anarchy, Kate Upton, or the Asian schoolgirl twins in Goldmember or Tokyo Drift, could break up your marriage, ruin your relationship, or land you in the STD ward at St. Mary’s Hospital of Perpetual Guilt and Shame.

So…for all of you role playing, single, married, “it’s complicated’, day-dreamers, fantasizers, and lustful wanton women trapped in a librarian’s life, here are some songs, some artists, and some music to Set. You. Free.

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First up…a little sweet talk to set the mood

Gregory Abbott

…and for those who like a little more aggression in your tea…

Marvin Gaye

And if you need even more convincing…

And every woman can feel the moment as well…

Anita Baker

…and what man could resist hearing (and seeing) this…

…and for the ladies….

Are we ready? Time for a little Foreplay…

Fourplay

Which always opens up the door…

Rolling Stones

And who doesn’t want to show your appreciation of pleasure with pleasure…what would make her happy?

Now let’s get to it….

Start it up old school….

Kick it up a notch…

Avant

Time to get in the groove….

Rolling Stones

Almost there….

US3

Wait!

NOW….!

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Cigarette? No?…how about a cuddle and a glass of wine?

You relax while Lionel Ritchie imparts some sound advice.

Goodnight.

Enjoy the shitty weather….

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Segarini’s regular column appears here every Monday

Contact us at dbawis@rogers.com

DBAWIS_ButtonBob “The Iceman” Segarini was in the bands The Family Tree, Roxy, The Wackers, The Dudes, and The Segarini Band and nominated for a Juno for production in 1978. He also hosted “Late Great Movies” on CITY TV, was a producer of Much Music, and an on-air personality on CHUM FM, Q107, SIRIUS Sat/Rad’s Iceberg 95, (now 85), and now publishes, edits, and writes for DBAWIS, continues to write music, make music, and record.

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One Response to “Segarini: Riding Out the Storm”

  1. StageDoor Lady Says:

    This manages to be exhilarating, titillating and funny all at the same time – the way good sex should be. Thanks, Bob.

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